UnNews:Insurance companies give middle-finger to Florida

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Monday, May 20, 2024

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This is why they left.

After hearing countless forecasts calling for an extremely-active hurricane season, more than 500 insurance companies have left Florida. Before that, they wanted to show their general disdain of the Sunshine State, so they gave as many obscene hand gestures, including the middle-finger. Even the state-owned insurance company, Citizens, was demolished, mainly due to Ron DeSantis, who made it defunct due to one gay dude working there.

There were many reasons why the insurance companies left, but the one uniting factor was the bloody hurricanes, which have foiled their way of making money so many times. A representative of State Farm said that "...the FUCKING HURRICANES keep forcing us to pay these PEOPLE before we can even profit at all", ranting on for hours before we kicked them out.

The hurricane season which made them all leave is expected to begin next month. Unlike last year, which had water hotter than a hot tub, this season is expected to have slightly colder water and less wind shear[1] due to the La Nina. Despite some people claiming that this is partially due to climate change, most people know that this is garbage.

To try to repair relations, Florida is currently soliciting residents to choose to either get federal funding to build a wall to prevent the hurricanes from coming in, try to build Reagen's Star Wars idea but with a smaller scale, or just sue the companies. Regardless of which choice wins, they are all expected to be generally ineffective.

  1. This is just a fancy weather term for the jets that the CIA sends to sabotage hurricanes. They go on shifts, travelling to the Pacific during La Nina and the Atlantic during El Nino.