UnNews:Hikers warned not to fuck with Mount Hood

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 December 2006

PORTLAND, Oregon -- After an exhaustive search for two missing hikers, forestry officials here have taken a new strategy to mountain rescue. “We’ve posted a sign warning hikers not to fuck with it,” says ranger Jordan Steed. “That ought to keep this from ever happening again.”

The move comes after two hikers apparently perished attempting to climb the mountain in the middle of winter without being properly supplied. Rescue workers on their way down from the search noticed the previous sign politely warning hikers to bring proper gear and decided it wasn’t worded strongly enough. The sign has since been changed to read “Don’t fuck with this mountain.”

So far, the new strategy has been effective. Gerald R. Tubby and his family of five were on their way to try to climb the peak wearing only moon boots and carrying nothing but ziplock bags full of jello when they saw the sign. “I turned to my wife and told her maybe we better not fuck with this shit,” said Tubby. His four year old son Turner agreed. “Yeah, fuck it,” he said looking at the sign.

Sources

• "Search efforts called off" CBS, December 20, 2006