UnNews:Greeks told to take their horse back
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21 June 2011
TROY, Asia Minor -- Greek leaders have been told that Troy no longer wants anymore 'equine-shaped presents' after a recent bust-up outside the city's gates this week.
The Trojans said matters came ahead when a large horse sent by the Greeks a few years ago had started to make strange 'rumbling sounds' and had acted very strangely. It was also refusing to eat any more hay and had been polluting the air about with a foul smell.
The Greek leaders led by Agamemnon and Odysseus said this was 'normal' at this time of year and refused the Trojans permission to return their gift back to them.
"We think the Trojans are exaggerating," said Greek general Menelaus, brother of Agamemnon. "There's nothing wrong with our horse. It was well fed and its teeth were checked before the Trojans took Aeurobrokaos in. Even when the Greek-skeptic Laocoon and his sons cast slurs on our good intentions, Zeus justly punished them with a large python to choke them to death. So we have nothing to apologise for - or to."
The Trojans attempted to send Aeurobrokaos but were blocked by a strike of Greek soldiers who lay in front of all Troy's gates and stopped all traffic. There ensured a short, sharp battle involving a lot of people falling out of chariots and taking arrows in the guts before the Trojans gave up and took the horse back. There was an exchange of hostages, stripping armour from dead bodies and reassigning concubines before the opposing armies retreated.
In a later speech from the ramparts, the Trojan king Priam said they had relocated Aeurobrokaos to a stable under the city's main temple where all the gold is kept. He said there would be a big party at the palace to celebrate the past decade of Trojan success and said he hoped to talk to 'the Greeks' tomorrow to see if this 'horse business' could be settled amicably. In a coda Priam added:
"The Greeks have been knocking on our doors for the last ten years. What does another day matter?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Skintand Kopaloadofdis "Trojan markets closed for feasting binge" Daily Trojan, June 21, 1100 B.C.
- Aristophanes Drachma "Horse exports dip as Troy says 'No More'" Attica Today, June 21, 1100 B.C.