UnNews:Goodfart convinces Goodheart to hate mathematics

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This UMO problem is nonsensical like all others. Recently Goodheart solved an easier version of it. However, this doesn't show that Goodheart is good at math. In fact, he is only good at nonsense and making up "proofs".

“Mathematics is useless.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mathematics

Saturday, September 26, 2020
BEIJING, CHINA -- Goodheart Cẅa, a 12-year-old boy, used to love mathematics. However, Goodfart Cẅa, Goodheart Cẅa's clone, convinces Goodheart to hate mathematics.

Not long before this happened, Goodfart had frequently complained about the flaws of everyday designs. He had complained that in English, heart rhymes with fart, while heard rhymes with nerd. He had complained that Qwertic keyboard layouts are inefficient and uncomfortable. He had complained about nearly everything. His teacher, not knowing that he is a clone, had believed that he had only had a minor psychological problem. Actually, English is indeed quite irregular, and the QWERTY layout and similar layouts like AZERTY are indeed inefficient. Then the tragedy took place.

Well, it wasn't a very sad one, because after all Goodheart's math was not as good as people would think. In 2019, Goodheart got 117 points on AMC12. This is considered a poor grade because the full score is 150 points and, due to AMC's weird scoring system, you would get nearly 40 points even if you leave the whole exam paper and answer sheet blank. On AIME, it was even worse; he only got 10 points.

“10 points on AIME is a very poor grade.”

~ The Яidiculous Captain, obviously, on the high school exam

However, Goodheart's teacher and parents were satisfied with these obviously poor grades. As a consequence, they forced Goodheart to study more mathematics. Goodheart could not stand it, so he escaped. Soon, he found the Crazy Liars Own No Evils (CLONE) lab which, since the builders of the lab are liars, was (and still is) evil. At that time the lab was looking for people who were willing to clone themselves in a new atom-by-atom method for an experiment. Goodheart was the very first to try. His clone was named Goodfart. The only two differences between Goodheart and Goodfart were their names and fingerprints; the latter was created intentionally so that Goodfart would not be able to use his fingerprint to unlock Goodheart's smartphone.

Goodheart decided to trick Goodfart into Goodheart's original home so that Goodheart's parents would think that Goodheart was back. The trick was successful; Goodheart's parents did not recognize the difference between Goodfart and the original Goodheart. While Goodfart was forced to study, Goodheart traveled and had lots of fun.

One day, Goodheart decided to go back to school. There he met Goodfart. On one hand, Goodfart had been tortured by his parents, so he hated mathematics strongly. On the other hand, Goodheart did not develop a hatred towards mathematics. As Oscar Wilde says, math is useless. So Goodfart was easily able to convince Goodheart to hate mathematics.

This caused consternation among Chinese math teachers. Many of them believe that Goodheart is teh the future of mathematics in China. If that's the case, because Goodheart isn't very good at math when considered with an international standard like AMC or AIME, China must have an extremely low math level. But that is absurd because China's team achieved the highest score in this year's Unternational Mathematical Olympiad (UMO).