UnNews:God Hates fags protests Hobbit film
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 December 2012
LONDON, United Kingdom -- London-based anti-smoking group God Hates Fags are at it again. After being derided for their insensitive questions regarding recent Newtown victim Nancy Lanza's smoking habits, God Hates Fags have now turned their ire towards the recently released Peter Jackson adaptation of J.R.R Tolkien's The Hobbit. Referring to several scenes in the original novel that "glamorized and glorified pipe-smoking", the group insisted that they would ensure that the filmmakers were brought to justice for "corrupting the youth the way Mr Tolkien once did". If, however, the film did not include the smoking scenes of the original novel, they would still protest against it, as the filmmakers had chosen to be unfaithful towards the source material, and infidelity is Biblical sin.
"Basically, they're damned if they do and damned if they don't." said an activist. "We have had it with the pop-culture and everyday life corrupting the youth of humanity! Everywhere we go, one or another mortal sin is glorified to all! I mean, we really appreciate the casting of a gay actor as the magnificent Gandalf and everything, but the Gandalf in this case is either a smoker, or a blight on the original character!" he finished.
God Hates Fags have threatened to picket theaters showing The Hobbit until and unless the producers of the film and the entire family of J.R.R Tolkien was arrested and tried for their "crimes against humanity." The London police were, as usual, dismissive of their rants.
"They keep coming up with some crap or another everyday" said the Chief. "Last I heard, old Shirley's Twitter page was pulled. Served her right after all the judgements she made on poor Nancy Lanza! If they try to mess with our moviegoers' lives, we shall pull them off the streets as well!"
