UnNews:Di Canio begins reign of fascism
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
3 April 2013
Paolo di Canio, the new manager of Sunderland football club, has set about making changes in order to convert the Mackems into the most fascist football club in all the world. Apart from Lazio.
Yesterday morning Di Canio changed the name of the club from the Black Cats to the Black Shirts and insisting the club change its kit accordingly. Many fans objected, claiming that although fascism sounded alright, black was really a Newcastle colour.
Di Canio was, however, just getting started. He put the team's nine senior black players up for sale, saying, "I no got nothing against black people, I just fink they are, how you say, inferiori." Curiously, Di Canio specified that he would not be selling the players to any rival Premier League clubs, stating, "No, all the black players, they go. They go to 'nother country."
Sunderland's next match is against Chelsea, who ironically might have welcomed a racist at the helm. Di Canio has named his line-up already, with all of the club's five Italian players set to start. This includes Giani Bambino, a 16-year-old promoted from the youth team. Di Canio explained, "For many years, we Italians have been make to feel like we are no as good as the whites, as the blondes. This is all a pezzo de merda. We are good. We are the inhe-, the inher-, gli eredi of the Roman Empire."
Avuncular television present Gary Lineker said, "Paolo's certainly ruffling a few feathers with what seems to be a racialist and militaristic approach to football management, but if he keeps Sunderland up this year, all will be forgiven!"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Paolo Di Canio, Sunderland and Italian fascism" BBC, April 03, 2013