UnNews:Country musician Charlie Daniels warns Taco Bell about Illuminati
Friday, January 12, 2018
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This article contains actual facts Normally this would make it utterly unsuitable for Uncyclopedia. However in this case the truth is stranger than fiction.
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WHATTHEFUCKLAND, USA -- You really can't make this shit up. Country singer-fiddler, "Devil Went Down to Georgia" hitmaker, and crackpot conspiracy theorist Charlie Daniels just tweeted some weird shit about Taco Bell and The Illuminati. Yes, you read that right, folks! His first tweet reads as follows:
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| Hey Taco Bell
The Illuminati is not a frivolous subject | ||||
| 8:32 PM - Jan 8, 2018 | ||||
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Things got even weirder when Daniels elaborated, even implicating Taco Bell in at least three of them. Here's just a few of our favorites:
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| Did you know where Oswald ordered lunch from before he shot Kennedy? You guessed it? @TacoBell | ||||
| 8:37 PM - Jan 8, 2018 | ||||
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| Wanna know why the name @TacoBell sounds familiar? It was founded by classical composer Pachelbel in order to introduce tacos to N. America and to brainwash them into eating crappy food. 1/ | ||||
| 8:45 PM - Jan 8, 2018 | ||||
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| 2/ George Washington was involved in the plot. It was all a coup to seize control of the colonies from Britain. | ||||
| 8:45 PM - Jan 8, 2018 | ||||
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That didn't make a lick of sense. Then he dropped the ultimate Taco Bell conspiracy theory:
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| Kubrick faked the Moon Landing! And the @TacoBell Chihuahua! It was actually @BarackObama wearing a Ren & Stimpy costume. It was a plot to make a black man President. #IWasThere | ||||
| 9:00 PM - Jan 8, 2018 | ||||
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Mr. Daniels is clearly off his rocker. Apparently, his tweets are related to a recent Taco Bell ad campaign that makes light of the Illuminati. These tweets read as if they were written by someone who watched a marathon of The X Files, changed it to Fox News and left the TV on all night.
Taco Bell has yet to comment on this story beyond "What. The. Fuck? Dude's licking some serious toads!"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Tim Kenneally "Charlie Daniels Issues Grim Warning to Taco Bell About the Illuminati" The Wrap via MSN, January 10, 2018