UnNews:Controversy arises over team nickname
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
31 July 2008
OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma - There is controversy stirring in the crowded, bustling metropolis that is Oklahoma City. With the acquisition of an NBA team, basketball fans in "The OK City" were thrilled, with many lining up for an opportunity to purchase official merhcandise. However, they received a jolting surprise when the list of seven potential team nicknames was released today. Among the names are such regional selections as "Bison", "Wind", and "Weeping Native American", which were all met with wild acclaim. Yet one potential team name evoked anger from the intelligent citizens of this urban area: the "Bombers". At first glance, the nickname seems harmless enough; there are indeed several U.S. Air Force bases in the general area that are home to B-52s. But then the average fan asks himself: can I really root for the Oklahoma City Bombers?
Fans younger than fifteen years old will have little problem with the name, but older Oklahoma residents will recall the 1993 bombing by Timothy McVeigh, a noted psycho and friendless loser. McVeigh decided that his inability to obtain a girlfriend was due to some sort of massive government conspiracy. He reasoned that his best course of action was to destroy the national headquarters of the federal government, the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. After driving a truck loaded with several tons of fertilizer (the most powerful explosive known to man) up to the front of the building, McVeigh detonated it and went straight to a bar, eager to start picking up females. His plan suffered massive failure, and he was arrested, tried, convicted, and executed without ever having talked to a woman without giving his credit card number beforehand.
Reactions were mixed today in "the city". Most people were mortified by the potential of having billboards springing up encouraging people to come see the local team "bomb out" the opposition. However, there were some who were confused as to what all the commotion was about. Local basketball enthusiast Gary Long was convinced that few people would recall events that happened so long ago. "That was over fifteen years ago now," said Barry, speaking from the driver's seat of his pickup truck which was parked on his front porch. He spit out a wad of chewing tobacco and continued, "people have notoriously poor memories. Look at that feller what forgot 9/11. Hell, I forgot that woman over there was my sister until seven years after I married her." Controversy and incest aside, this is one debate that's sure to leave Oklahoma City's ears ringing for a long time.
