UnNews:Concerns in Israel over new weapon introduced by the Hezbollah

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

19 July 2006

Jerusalem,The Zionist Entity -- Tension mounts as the Hezbollah, desperate to contain the ongoing Israeli onslaught threatens for the first time to use one of the most fearsome weapons in it's arsenal - the Surface-to-Humus Missile.

High Yield Low Grade Hummus Warhead. Nasty stuff.

This horrendous weapon not only tracks Humus plates, a popular dish throughout the Zionist Entity, as its primary target but also carries a high-yield-low-grade humus warhead which immediately sprays a blob of humus within a 20 meter radius.

The devastating effects of the hummus warhead include:

• Stomach ache
• Extreme explosive diarrhea
• Brain Hemorrhaging
• Constant Constipation

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert mimics the constipating effects of Surface-to-Hummus warheads in order to elevate levels of fear among his countrymen.

The Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert reacted with shock and awe, heretofore experienced only by those mean Arabic people. "These are very worrying news," said Olmert. "This kind of weapon can cause a nationwide constipation disaster. We cannot have that! They (Hezbollah) are trying our patience and again and again. I hereby vow to use any means necessary to protect the citizens of Israel including our Vin Diesel look-alike commando squads. I implore the Lebanese government to heed my warning, or we will retaliate in kind."