UnNews:Child confesses to breaking his parents new lamp

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21 October 2007

Fruits of the little bastard's labour.

BROOKPARK, Ohio UNN – Under questioning by his parents today, little Billy Bosworth revealed that it was he, not his younger sister Brittany Marie, who broke a lamp in the family's Brookpark Ohio home.

“I would have told the truth, but it was simpler to blame it on the kid,” the nine year old boy admitted under heated questioning from his father.

Full details of the vandalism and its attempted coverup are still evolving, however Mr. and Mrs. Bobby Lee Bosworth announced at a press conference that they are relieved that the families “long nightmare” is over.

Master Bosworth, age 9, admitted to breaking the lamp which his mother had bought at Wal-Mart just two weeks ago. The youth had been a suspect, however he had told the elder Bosworth’s that his five year-old sister had knocked over the lamp when she through a pillow at her older brother.

When asked by her parents if she had broken the lamp, Brittany stated "No!".

“Dinner time has been very tense around our house,” said Mrs. Bosworth. “We knew that it was either one of the kids or Kitty Carlisle, our cat, who broke the lamp. And I just couldn’t believe that my cute kitty could do such a thing, given her relative indifference to anything that doesn’t come from a can of cat food.”

“According to our daughter, on the Friday before last, her brother was tormenting her when Nicole and I were outside polishing my vintage Camero when Billy hit the lamp and knocked to the floor, breaking it,” said the senior Mr. Bosworth . “Billy immediately denied his involvement, and only said that Brittany had done it and that she had also said that was going to lie to get out of a "timeout" that was sure to follow.”

At a family meeting, Mr. Bosworth sat both Bobby and Brittany down and “read them the riot act.”

As punishment, Bobby will be forced to wear one of his mother’s dresses and lipstick and attend one of his sister’s “stuffy animal tea parties.”

Sources

• Dr. Benjamin Spock "Nations Youths Pledge Not to Tattle Unless Tattled Upon First" USA Yesterday, October 19, 2007