UnNews:British National Anthem 'not inclusive of sexual deviants'

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3 December 2007

"If I may be so bold ma'am, would you be adverse to a bit of fellatio after tonights banquet?"

SOME OF THE WORDS of the British national anthem are not "inclusive of gays, sodomites and other sexual deviants" and might need replacing, the ex-minister leading a citizenship review for Gordon Brown has suggested. Former attorney general and self confessed foot-fetishist Lord Goldsmith said there was a problem with later verses of God Save the Queen that may cause offence to "those who enjoy sexual practices that may deviate from the culturally accepted norm"

"As a self-confessed sheep botherer I find much of the lyrical content and tone of our National Anthem offensive and non-inclusive of my own lifestyle choice," he told Unnews this morning, "I'm sure there are many other sexual perverts out there, like myself, who are also grossly offended but feel they have no voice in today's society by which to voice their disgust.".

"I would have thought references to "saving queens" should be more inclusives of our fellow homosexual citizens but it seems that our National Anthem is ashamed to admit that sh*t-stabbers live, work and pay taxes in this country (apart from the rent boys that is)!"

"Some people have suggested we might think about whether there are different words that could be put in place which would be more inclusive of those who, for example enjoy stuffing small animals in a bag up their bottom-holes."

Goldsmith's proposed revision of the anthem will be presented before Parliament this week and was exclusively provided to UnNews. Sung by serial womaniser Cliff Richard it can be heard on our exclusive "God Sexy That Queen" hotline, calls charged at £13.88 a minute.

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