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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.
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16 December 2008
LOS ANGELES, California - During her funeral at the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery, the undead pin-up girl ripped open her coffin and started spraying a black blood-like substance on the guests, instantly changing them into pin-up model zombies. At the cemetery, she revived several prominent actresses and models buried there, among which is Marilyn Monroe.
Surviving relatives have stated:
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I thought things could hardly get any worse for her after she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and was placed under state supervision for eight years. I was terribly wrong.
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We should have kept her in a coma, at least she wouldn't have gotten all zombiotic.
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Fans assert that:
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How can she ever die? She has been an idol, a goddess, to so many. It would be heretical. She had no choice but to return to the realm of the living and turn us all into her slaves.
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Bettie Page is presently spreading her legions across the USA. Her cult following has considerably increased in numbers. She claims that:
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You will all love and worship me as your immortal queen! KYAHAHAHA!
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