UnNews:All kickers and punters gay, says linebacker

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

10 February 2014

Hauschka is known for his flamboyant follow-through, swinging to the left and twirling.

Super Bowl-winning linebacker K.J. Wright has responded to news that Michael Sam, a 2014 draft prospect, is homosexual, by announcing that "all kickers and punters are gay."

While the rest of the world, including First Lady Michelle Obama, hailed Sam's act as being courageous and trailblazing, Wright called UnNews to explain that, "Any of those guys who just have, like, one bar on the helmet. They gay."

The 246-pound Seattle Seahawk, who made 80 tackles and one and a half sacks, went on: "The boy on our team, [Steven Hauschka], I love him to death. He made some big plays for us last year, big plays. But there's no doubt in my mind, you put him and [punter] Jon Ryan together in a bath tub, they gonna end up fucking.

"Ryan's Canadian for Christ's sake."

Sources

• Leverage, "Michael Sam: NFL draft prospect reveals his gay sexuality" BBC, February 10, 2014