UnNews:Alien sex offenders being deported from Virginia
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 February 2008
AREA 51, Virginia, UNN) -- More than 170 life forms will be deported as part of a joint law enforcement operation to remove alien sex offenders from Virginia and mitigate the menace of anal probes.
"Operation Coldplay", an attempt to flush them out using sound waves that cannot be tolerated by any life form without their brain stopping, identified 255 beings convicted of sex crimes who are not Earth citizens. Eighty-four offenders on the list had already left the planet or been deported. The other 171 offenders were either already imprisoned in a force field powered by an eternal battery or picked up in the backwoods while looking for cattle to mutilate and hicks to anal probe.
"This is a milestone in our efforts for itself to remove criminal illegal aliens from the Commonwealth," said Virginia Attorney General Whitley Strieber, fondling an anal probe.
One 37-year-old Indian man underwent a procedure in order to have a two inch nail removed from his penis, inserted there by a band of aliens who had attacked him after he had resisted their anal probes.
Leaders say "Operation Coldplay," which is part of a nationwide operation, will serve as a model for the rest of the world to rid the planet of alien space perverts and assaults from anal probes.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Mary-Sue Character "We come in peace (repeatedly)" Journal of Anal Probes, February 20, 2008
