UnNews:Ahmadinejad oversleeps, forgets to destroy world

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 August 2006

Ahmadinejad: "Ooooooh. Sorry about that one."

TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad overslept this morning and consequently neglected to destroy the world.

Ahmadinejad had planned on waking up before dawn in order to get an early start on engulfing the entire planet in flames, but a faulty alarm clock let him sleep well past noon. In the ensuing grogginess brought on by over-sleeping, the world leader completely forgot to carry out the day's plans and ended up watching cricket on television.

"I completely forgot," laments Ahmadinejad. "The Supreme Leader called about 7:30 in the evening and was very pissed, but by then it was too late."

According to Islamic tradition, John Candy is supposed to return to earth on the same day that the Cubs last won the World Series. That day, the 14th day of the month Ramalamadingdong in the Islamic Calendar, is August 22 in 2006.

In order to hasten the coming of John Candy, Ahmadinejad planned to start a water-balloon fight with Ehud Olmert and thereby recreate the conditions of Candy's departure. Such a water-balloon fight would soon escalate into nuclear war, and all of the nations of the earth would be destroyed.

Ann Coulter, professor emeritus of Islamic studies at Princeton University explains how Ahmadinejad's mistake will affect Iran's standing in the world: "They're screwed."

Still, President Ahmadinejad remains optimistic.

"I'll just stone-wall those suckers at the UN for another year and buy a Swiss-made alarm clock."

Sources

• Bernard Lewis "August 22: Does Iran have something in store?" Wall Street Journal, August 08, 2006