UnNews:Actor Kevin Bacon Joins Prime Minister Lettuce

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Sunday, December 4, 2022

LONDON - Several weeks ago, a head of iceberg lettuce named Lizzy Lettuce won against her human counterpart, Liz Truss.  Over the weekend Prime Minister Lettuce filled the position of Minister of the Interior with American Actor and Dancer Kevin Bacon. 90% of the UKs population knows where this is going yet approves of Bacon and Lettuce. 

This decision comes after Truss decided to perform some much-needed physical activity.  "I realized during a game of tennis against my Hollywood friend actor Kevin Bacon that Bacon and Lettuce are a good match."  Also, that it is a way to wiggle in a joke on a slow news day on UnNews."

Hardly anyone read further of the event's reporting as most who'd been putting off chores gave up midway through the second paragraph.

Bacon spoke to the Commonwealth. "We only wish to serve, please Lettuce. Italians and French-they pour over lettuce!  Next month we're traveling to Iceland-Lettuce does best in the cold."  Weeping sounds were heard from the tiny audience.

Bacon was raised on a farm in Oxford and in a Tesco corral. Representatives from The Star have brought him in and decided to make him come alive peppered with questions and cheesy goodness.   Bacon too received a tiara on top in honor of Lizzy the Twoth who bit the dust a month prior.