UnNews:"Fair dinkum" for Aussie migrants

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

14 December 2006

"Fair dinkum for all of ye"

MELBOURNE, Victorialand -- Migrants to Australia will need to take an English test starting December 20, 2006, said John Howard today after visiting a farm near his grandmother's house. The test will be implemented in all Australian states to all migrants regardless of their skin colour, body shape, body odour and all sorts of thing. "We feel that it is the best time to apply this rule, since we have had more and more Asians in the country", the Prime Minister explained.

While Howard seems very confident about the English test, the real proposal of the test, and the real test, are yet to be made public. The leader of the Opposition Party, Kevin Rudd, said, "Well, to be honest, I think it is very irrelevant to talk about this meaningless plan if John Howard hasn't thought about anything at all."

However, it can clearly be seen that John Howard has designed the test, roughly. The test will try to examine migrants' ability to talk, listen, read and write in English. Not only that, Howard will also make sure that all migrants will understand Aussie jokes and slang, so they will laugh if some Australians make jokes. He said, "It is very important to preserve unity in this country, by laughing at the same time, just imagine that."

One thing is for sure, the test will require all participants to say the sentences below in the Strallyan accent, which John Howard believe will unite the people in the Down Under.

"Fuckin' G'day, how ya doing? Yeh, I just got back from the station, really crowd there, heaps of people. Yeah mate, I saw the gig last night, fair dinkum!! Good onya mate, it was heaps awesome! Hey you know, I reckon we can have a barbie after work, it'll be fantastic mate. Then we can watch footie with mates from Perth, whaddaya reckon?. Yeah fair enough, alright mate, g'day."

Sources

• John Howard "Top 923 Aussie words, good onya mate!" The Age Newspaper, December 12,1978

• Kevin Bacon "Migrants need to speak Engrish." Paper Newspaper, May 15, 1994