UnNews:"Drunkest City" Milwaukee arrested in bar fight with Chicago

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 August 2006

Chicago takes issue with Milwaukee over its "Drunkest City" designation.

MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin -- Milwaukee, recently ranked by Forbes.com as "America's Drunkest City," was arrested late Friday night after an altercation with Chicago in a local tavern. Milwaukee earned top spot on a list of 35 major metropolitan areas ranked for their drinking habits.

Forbes said Tuesday it used numbers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to rank cities in five areas: state laws, number of drinkers, number of heavy drinkers, number of binge drinkers and alcoholism. Mineapolis-St. Paul was ranked second overall; followed by Columbus, Ohio; Boston; Austin, Texas; Chicago; Cleveland; Pittsburgh and then Philadelphia and Providence, R.I., in a tie for ninth.

According to witnesses, Chicago, which only ranked fifth, taunted Milwaukee and claimed that it was the real Drunkest City, and that Milwaukee was not only gay, but won because of the publicity generated by the city's breweries.

Milwaukee was celebrating its birthday at G-Daddy's BBC, and stood by its ranking.

"I have had people visit from London and Chicago, and they fucking can't get over how much we drink," the city slurred. "You're goddamn right we do! So fuck Chicago!"

But officials at Visit Milwaukee, the area's convention and visitors bureau, contend that the city has recently entered rehab to help rid itself of its beer-guzzling image.

Milwaukee has plenty of other ways to entertain without alcohol, said Dave Fantle, a spokesman for the group. He noted a new convention center and baseball park had been built and the Milwaukee Art Museum expanded in recent years.

"We've trying to go from Brew City to new city," he said. "We believe this recent incident was entirely Chicago's fault."

Milwaukee is expected to plead guilty to second degree assault, a charge that should earn it a 1-year probation and assignment to attend the state's Substance Abuse Education program.