Tooth
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“They can say what they like about our teeth. I've seen Jerry Springer, they're just lying to themselves!”
“All the better to eat you with...”
– Big Bad Wolf on Tooth
“We make holes in teeth!”
According to Charleth Darwin, teeth are the last known cure of spider bites. The yellowy ivories, evolved from primitive elephants, were once used to build weapons of mass confusion but were later replaced by children and sheep. No animals other than tigers have teeth as they only occur in intelligent forms of life such as the rock and giant man-eating cheese wheels. Teeth were promoted by all 55 Presidents of the United Thtayt-th. Memorable teeth include the teeth of the first American czar George Washington, who got golden grills to replace his singular tooth.
Teeth, otherwise known as "nubs", are the pointy things on the inside of your ear. These so called "nubs" are rainbow in color and demonstrate the amazing ability to kill terrorists on sight, but only if wielded properly. Not all of their abilities are related to destruction, however. Teeth have been reported to have cured marine iguanas of their ugliness, a task formerly thought impossible.
Teeth appear to be the one and only cure for spider bites, however since they must be taken anally, they aren't a popular cure. Teeth were also independently invented by a man named ****** *************, who has asked his entire name to be obscured with asterisks. ******, in his invention of teeth, took a leaf and threw it onto a sock. The result of the cross-explosion, that of the leaf against that of the sock, caused an amazing event to occur. A tooth was made and then universally adapted by all who like to eat, and thus like to live. This is also related to the invention of oxygen, a luxury of which many people enjoy daily. However, teeth are being misused every day by the people of Mars who use their teeth as violins and are creating terrifying tidal waves.
Renaissance Man of Teeth[edit | edit source]
Renaissance Teeth were discovered by the National Enquirer and Car Veneer Magazine by Mr. Carlos Kavros. A man wanted to have his teeth capped but could not afford the procedure from any legal dentist. So after filing down his own teeth to points with domestic hardware he then took stones from his driveway and created a perfect smile after months of effort. A dentist inspected the work and was impressed, although warned against others trying this, as this man was clearly A RENAISSANCE MAN OF TEETH.
Gap Tooth Championships[edit | edit source]
The Gap Tooth championships are a prestigious and well-thought-out competition. It was founded by the singer Madonna in 2000, the reason being she had not won a singing award in over half of her 101-year singing career and felt she needed to get back onto the map. There are 29 contestants that come from all over the world to engage in one-on-one combat; they go through rigorous training and many smaller competitions to just gain qualification.
For seven years the winner has been Ronaldo (the former Brazilian striker) who for 5 of the 7 years has got straight 10s from the judges. His latest show included eating a apple though a tennis racket and managing to fool the audience into thinking his teeth were football posts.
It has been reported that the competition may be legally stopped as contestants have been accidentally beheaded in some of the performances. But Madonna is pretty keen it will carry on and hopefully she may win the competition one of these days. Ronaldo, though, was very upset with her comments and replied:
“If that shitty old yoga camel-toed so called singer thinks she has got a chance to win this competition she has got a shock to her. She got more chance winning MOBO and we all know why she won't win that unless she's a white version of Micheal Jackson!”