The Bronx
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“We in da' Bronx, fools.”
“I got shot nine times and didn’t shoot back.”
“In our zoo, the animals smuggle crack cocaine.”
Da Bronx, it's like, da best borough in 'da city, ya know? We got everything here that people just love! Da Yankees, da Mafia, dem Irish too, and all dat good meat you can't get enough of! And let me tell ya, in da Bronx, we got da best accent out there, hands down!
Now, dem folks over in Queens, I dunno how dey do it, but dey pronounce "t" and "h" like dey're in some fancy school or sumpm. Not like us Bronx boys, ya feel me? And sure, maybe our elementary school graduation rates is da lowest in America, but hey, we got heart, we got spirit!
Ya see, that's just how it is in da Bronx. We keep it real, we say it like it is, no holdin' back.[1] So yeah, come check out da Bronx if you wanna see da true New York, where everything's raw and real. Just remember, don't call yourself a top G, it's offensive to us.
Quick history lesson[edit | edit source]
Da Bronx was called Rananchqua by da native Siwanoy band of Lenape. Even den, all da other natives knew da Bronx as "da ghetto". It was divided by da "Jewish" river of da state, now known as da Bronx River. Da land was first settled by us Bronxites in 1639, when Jonas Bronx, for whom da area was later named, established a farm along da Harlem river in da area now known as da Mott Haven section. Dem Dutch and English settlers referred to da area as "Bronx's ghetto". It was so poor, that in da 1870s dem Americans merged our city into DA CITY. Den, due to Prohibition, da Italians, Poles, Irish, and Jews went to da Bronx to smuggle moonshine. Da city kept gettin' shittier, and in da 1980s some punks in Washington D.C. burned down many of our homes. As a result, da Bronx got da shittiest in da mid-1980s. Nowadays, da Bronx has improved, bein' upgraded from da lowest in da continent to da lowest in da nation. It may take heart, but soon, da Bronx will be normal.
Celebrities[edit | edit source]
Da Bronx has all dem bad muthafookas!
- 50 Cent
- Dat guy who directed Iron Man
- Cuba Gooding Jr.
- Dem Reiners
- Reggie Fils-Aime
- George Romero
- Lou Gehrig
- Dat fool who founded Calvin Klein
- Son of Sam
- Dat guy who created Shrek
- Shrek!
- GEOWGIE! George Carlin
- AOC!
- Big Pun!
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
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