Talk:The Official List of the Best Things in Existence

• (diff) (hist) . . m ! The Official List of the Best Things in Existence; 19:35 . . Flammable (Talk | block) (Reverted edit of AfternoonTripper, changed back to last version by Hyad)

Whiel I agree with you entirely, it's certainly not int he spirit of the article. Try less vitrol and bitterness, and isntead put som ninja into your mouth.--Flammable CUN 00:36, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Vitriol and bitterness? No such emotion occurs when considering this matter. So who appointed you guardian of this list? Not that I'm getting bitter about it (QED). Seriousness aside, wasn't this supposed to be a wiki? If you didn't laugh when you read that bit about Dubya, you must be a republican. A'tripper 00:54, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

If you said that liberals are a bunch of asshole hippie assfuckers who like bathing in their reproductive juices while licking guano off of the trees that want to protect, I'd have gotten rid of it as well. Pure bias isn't funny. Humor is funny. Bias is not the same as humor.--Flammable CUN 01:02, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

I used no profanity. Bias? Everything I said is demonstrably true. You should really get some new reading material, bud. A'tripper 01:07, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

By the way, stop strawmanning profanity. I didn't say or impied that you did. I used an exaggeration to prove a counterpoint. And behold, you've backed yourself into a hole. Then I should have put that into TFAODP. Either way, stuff like that doesn't belong in this article. It's not subtle, and it's certainly not humorous. Please, do yourself a favor; get off your fucking high horse. I don't have the time to meddle with people who don't understand the difference between humor and pure, political opining.--Flammable CUN 01:16, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Oh yeah, I'm liberal too, btw, ask User:Chronarion, User:PantsMacKenzie, or any of the other founding members that know me IRL. Nonetheless, politcal spewing is no sustitute for humor. What you put in reeks of resentment, and is similar to what is described in "Bias..." and "Be a comedian" in the article Uncyclopedia: How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid

Fuck profanity! I don't seem to meet your standards at all, do I? Then I go from a hole to a high horse. Well, I'm certainly all over the map as far as you're concerned. I guess I'll just have to try to do better so I can meet your standards (somewhere above the hole and below the high horse). But I cannot let you get away with the insult of calling me a liberal. Liberals are very dangerous people. Please retract this terrible slur. A'tripper 01:32, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

In any case, you seem to be the arbiter of all things visible around here. Or are you? Let's see if someone else cares to comment. Here's what I posted:

Me

They said I wouldn't be added to the list, so I proved them wrong....kinda.

Seriously, this is missing

This list needs more brains and less crap. It was going so well till wrestling cropped up. I say take it out. Replace it with Isambard Kingdom Brunel; the guy invented the pneumatic railway when everyone else was still pissing around with steam. Or Nikola Tesla, for his awesome discoveries. If it wasn't for Edison fucking up his shit we'd be in a better world. Ok, scrap that; at least put electricity on the list, because without it we would be so royally fucked. If the printing press is on the list, then electricity should be too.

G.W. Bush

After Eminem came G.W. Bush. Oh, yes, he is good. In fact, he is one of the best things since sliced bread. Consider that before Dubya, the following conditions existed:

• America had some goodwill in the world. Who would want that? After all, you can’t take goodwill to the bank. (Or can you?)
• America had some credibility in the world. This is even worse. A superpower with credibility would be scary. All that power? It wouldn’t be pretty, trust me. Someone could get hurt.
• Terrorism was on its way out. Oh dear me. That wouldn’t be good at all. With the evil soviet empire gone, how could politicians fool the public into feeling insecure enough to let the pols control them with their nightmare scenarios and security alerts?
• Politicians had a modicum of credibility. This is unsupportable. Politicians are monkeys. Dubya reminded us never to forget that.

No doubt about it G.W. Bush is the best thing to happen to the U.S. of A. this millennium.

Anyone care to comment? Is there the germ of an idea here that could be made into humor? A'tripper 01:10, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Not the way you've written it, no, it's just a sarcastic political statement. There have been other attempts that have come out far better, such as War on Terra and WMD(Donuts) but those were based on introducing new ideas and not just reprinting arguments that've already been made many times elsewhere. And yes, there's plenty to work with, like the blooper where he claimed to be on "a crusade" against Islamic terrorists... Quest for the Holy Grail, anyone? --Carlb 02:20, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Yes, I would certainly hope for satire rather than sarcasm. A'tripper 02:37, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Then put it in the talk notes or Uncyclopedia: Village Dump. We see enoughs tuff liek that by people who try to pass themselves off as witty.--Flammable CUN 02:41, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

From wikipedia:crusade: The Crusades were a series of several military campaigns—usually sanctioned by the Papacy—that took place during the 11th through 13th centuries. Originally, they were Roman Catholic endeavors to re-capture the Holy Land from the Muslims, but some were directed against other Europeans, such as the Fourth Crusade against Constantinople, the Albigensian Crusade against the Cathars of southern France and the Northern Crusades blah blah blah...

hmmm...

The Crusades (11th through 13th centuries) and the Holy Grail

The Crusades were a series of military campaigns first initated in the 11th through 13th centuries by King George I of Texas, the burning Bush of Moses fame, and continued by his heir George II. Intended to subjugate the Muslim people of the Middle East and brand the holy mark of W upon their foreheads forevermore, it allowed America to cast aside any concern it may have ever had for goodwill and credibility and march Don Quixote-like into Baghdad with trumpets blaring and red, white and blue flags flying. God bless America!

Sure, a thousand or more American boys didn't come back alive, terrorism is still rampant, enemies have been made worldwide and petrol is over $4.50 a gallon, but compared to the glory of George II returning from the bloodied battlefield with this old cup left over from the Last Supper, the sacrifices made were more than worth it. Attaboy George!

Top US government and military experts are currently trying to figure out what to do with the Cup now that they have it. Most likely it will be stored in a government warehouse next to the Ark of the Covenant and other leftover religious artifacts from old Indiana Jones movies.

--Carlb 02:53, 21 Aug 2005 (UTC)

First best thing since sliced bread

I am appalled that professional wrestling is the first best thing since sliced bread. Surely there would be one right after 1927. Thank you. --165.154.24.18 21:57, 30 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Nintendo

It's FUCKING AWESOME. Need I say more?

Dude, Nintendos are still trying to continue dead gaming concepts. the wii-wii is just another fucking nintedno like all the others but more compact and overhyped. if you want to put something to do with gaming, there is no contest: HALO. ok it has some competition from CRYSIS by quality of gameplay but HALO was superior via market-ability. CRYSIS can only be run on the best of PCs...despite having been out for nearly 2 years you still need a very expencive system to run it. the way computers are advancing we should be able to run the maximums by now. unless the maximums dont actualy exist and CRYTEC just made them to add hype.--58.169.64.48 10:54, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Missing persons

You people are ridiculous. How could Oscar Wilde be missing?! --Maru

Missing Persons 2

Where is Jack Bauer? He must be included in this list for he is the greatest ever legend. Ever.

And I mean ever. Before Chuck Norris anyway.

Yahoo Video Search

Just mentioning this will lose readers. How come I never knew about this til now?!

  -and saying "google" makes it better?  it's hard to search for porn on google video, and yahoo video came out long before google video.

Pirates and Cowboys

Pirates and Cowboys are so legend. They have awesome skills and are way better than ninjas and zombies. Ick.

Unicorns

I mean come on! They are freaking AWESOME!

Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster

Where's the PGGB? Everyone knows it's the "best drink in existence!" That should cap the list! --Ye Olde Luke 09:04, 5 August 2007 (UTC)

Answer: I agree but unfortunately it's merely the best drink.

Add Beatles Now!!!!

What? No Beatles? -Dr. I. Totallymadethisshitup and his incredibly smexy lab assosciates recently finished an independent study (government funded, of course. What do you think the Man does with your taxes, HELP people????) concluding that the Beatles' music alone has prevented nearly 1/4 of the world's population from jumping of a cliff in sheer boredom. And those 1/4 grew up to be doctors, artists, lovable stoners, awesome people, singers, writers, and other reasons YOUR life doesn't suck as much as you would think.

Have a heart. Add the Fab Four-ever!

Non Illegitimi Carborundum Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Compromise

I have a compromise to the Eminem controversy, wrestling and Eminem are the greatest things on a n alternative list in which Eminem was reffering to in his song, therefore, they were never really the greatest things.

I LOVE THIS PAGE!~!!

Cunts. You should add cunts to the page.

WTF is this shit? Where did you get the explanation of why oxygen is in the list? I believe in GOD, but your list is bollocks.

Futurama (2003AD-3003AD)

The intro scene of Season 5, Episode 11 (Three Hundred Big Boys) contains the text VOTED "BEST". I propose that since Futurama was voted Best, and as shown by its continued existence even though it was officially cast out of existence, should be on the list.

God?

for something to be the best thing of all time, first you have to prove it exists! "God Timelessness-4 billion BC"

im sure the bible says the universe is less than 9 thousand years old... whats with all this 4 billion business?

While we're on the subject, if it's going to be at the top of the list at all, should the "h" not be capitalized for consistency's sake? It's that way on the God page here.

Meteos: 2011-????

Because it's still an awesome puzzle game after 4.5 years of gameplay. Come on. 212.121.202.251 14:59, January 18, 2011 (UTC)

Internet?

Shouldn't the INTERNET be added to the list? It's easy to make a case for it, just sayin'...

the internet is for pussies and grandpa's --Roman Dog Bird 02:09, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

omission of chicken/egg controversy

It's patent to any lay-reader that this list is seriously deficient after item #2 (oxygen).

For several ages in the early days of life on earth, there was a bitter dispute over whether the next best thing was chickens or eggs. unquestionably, both deserve a slot in the list of best things in existence - where would a caesar salad or CBLT be without a fresh chunk of chicken breast, and where would a fried breakfast be without a few sizzling fried eggs on the side? the controversy was over which should come 3rd and which 4th in the list, since for many years the order of their emergence was unknown. This lead to international conflicts on an epic scale, with passionate proponents of both views clashing in almighty battles riding atop dinosaurs and swooping on their foes from mounted pterodactyls (this spectacle in itself was considered almost, but not quite, good enough to get on the official list of the best things in existence). Countless trillions died in this increasingly bitter controversy which raged through the ages, until thankfully in 2010 british scientists conclusively proved that the chicken came first and therefore could rightfully take its place as 3rd in the list of best things in existence (http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/UnNews:Scientists_reveal_chicken_came_before_egg).

With the invention of time travel in the 22nd century (http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Time_travel) - already penciled in to be added to the list of the best things in existence - well-meaning diplomats were able to travel back and prevent the conflict from ever occurring, by spreading the light of "chicken-first" reason to the uncivilised beings of the earth, thus preventing the fabled chicken-egg wars of prehistory, hence their exclusion from the list of best things ever. Because this also created and irrevocable paradox in the history of the list of the best things in existence, God duly decided to hush over the entire affair and remove all of the offending entries from the list to avoid an outbreak of mass insanity.

Bacon

Uh, hello? – Preceding unsigned comment added by 68.60.96.21 (talk • contribs) 12:21, September 26, 2012‎