Study of the nature of male sexual orientation

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The theme of repressed sexual desire [1] was prevalent throughout the study. It was famously parodied in Vladimir Nabokov's book Lolita and later in the 1962 Stanley Kubrick film of the same name. Here is a tenuously related image.

Study of the nature of male sexual orientation is a study from the University of Austin in 2009 aimed at discovering the nature of male sexual orientation. It comes out with remarkable findings. The study which began in 1995 has used 590 test subjects around the world. The subjects were subjected to reportedly painful acts of Anal and Oral sex with other men. There were, however, free visits to Brothels - along with various other tests to see whether in fact we were all bisexual, or if true heterosexuality only comes from a few, vulgarly put, "rough bareback sessions."

The study is, of course, based on a great deal of conjecture since the female must - without artificial aid - be the receiver. For the development of young men, it is important that they gain the ability to see things from the female perspective. According to the scientists this is possibly the only way in which true heterosexuality can develop. This kind of enforced androgyny could be a boon in the fields of male therapy and cosmetics.

In one test a subject was asked to subject another to varying living standards pertaining to the homosexual community, such as cocktail parties and intense workouts aiming to enhance the abdominal muscles.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it. Today there is so much crass humor about sex and the various needs people have. Obviously love is love; it might be fair to say that one kind of love is prettier than others. Again the effort of true science is to probe deeply all one's own assumptions and widen the knowledge to a personally accountable stage, pumping all we can from the bottomless pit of truth." (Dr Bryant C. Foxx, Austin University)

Many posit the fact that the greatest minds are at least bisexual, with most being homosexual and under rare circumstances, humosexual. It is conjectured from the intensive study that for a successful male, some level of traditionally deviant sexual behavior is the only true avenue to self-expression and sexual normality.[2] The study is particularly relevant, as the media has near-constant reports of bisexuality amongst women. Part of this is of course due to questionable forms of 'entertainment' aimed at men who have a repressed need to have the penis. Note that this tendency is a symptom of vestigial large primate behavior, and consequently very hard to cure. Some men need as many as three hundred anal sessions before adjusting to the homo sapiens norm of heterosexuality.

Thomas Kuhn, a year before his death, headed up the planning of the study in 1995. He was initially impressed with the study of homosexuality. He was, however, disappointed to see the subtlety and amount of work it would take to see whether consensual Gay sex in men would be a test of true heterosexuality[3]. Kuhn lamented when the poor scribbles he had added in the Austin university toilet about cottaging were removed, a year later, due to their childishness.

The study has made a damning blow against Gay culture which saw itself as special and exclusive. Now this has been taken away with the prospect that it will very soon be "raining men.'"

Many studies have failed to conclusively assess whether homosexuality is learned, or if it is inherited through genes[4]. This study - which has qualitatively and quantitatively assessed the matter - has, according to the scientists and researchers involved, answered the question. Here, we cannot leave the the religious groups aside. Some strong protests have been voiced by the main religious groups - the most vociferous ones coming from the Catholic church:

"It is clear to any right-thinking white Christian, whether Catholic, Protestant, or Orthodox, that this study is pure nonsense. We cannot dismiss the thought that this group of 'scientists' has its own agenda: to convert as many young men into flaming sodomites as they can. In any case, the test subjects are far too old." (Archbishop of Sluttenberg)

Whatever the views of the various churches, the study is continued enthusiastically. In 2007, more volunteers were turning out than could be meaningfully tested. This gave raise to doubt as to the sincerity of the volunteers, particularly when many of them were reluctant to partake in the brothel visits and several other mainstream male activities included in the program.

"Are we all faggots?[5] That has got to be the last question that has dominated man's curiosity since the beginning of time, and that is the reason why our great scientific minds can tackle this truly time-wasting conundrum. You would not believe the donations we received from big business and philanthropists." (Thomas Kuhn, P.22, 'Why Feyerbend is a fat slob', 1995)

The study seems to confirm the supposition that only those who have actually tried a homosexual relationship can be true heteros - only, trying a homosexual relationship seems to make a person homosexual by pretty short circular logic. Other "heteros" are just closet gays, because their sexuality hasn't been proven by a real test. It must also be mentioned that those who masturbate are all homosexuals, because each of us is of the same sex with him/herself. Anyone trying to talk himself out of this one only makes it harder on himself by appearing neurotic about it.

The overall result further indicates that since Homosexuality is present, most males should enjoy Gay partnerships to find true expression of their sexuality. Only through this antithesis, Dr. Foxx claims, can men discover their true sexual identity. The results of the study will be sent to the United Nations for scrutiny by the year 2011. Preliminary conferences on the subject hint that in a few years, international legislation will force every male to go through a standard length homosexual relationship - or to be branded legally homosexual.


  • Professor Bryant C. Foxx[6] of the University of Austin
  • Andy Warhol's documentary, Lonesome Cowboys
  • Professor John Beverley made a famous comment about male sexuality in Longhorn, Texas, during a lecture that was part of a series of lectures he conducted along with doctors Lydon, Cook and Jones in the USA by the end of the 1970's. As we remember, the comment caused a pandemonium - members of the scientific community even threw bottles on the stage.


  1. Note that true Christians never have that!
  2. This part of the study seems to be in part questionable.
  3. Contrary opinions have been voiced.
  4. It is simply not conceivable that this material has been passed as a serious study. Some of us are white Christian males, not some horrendous cocktail-sipping, prancing gays with tight buttocks and disgusting sexual behavior. Some men are interested in buttocks, others feel revolted by them. Sexy buttocks should be punishable, just like anal sex.
  5. I had a friend who almost became a homosexual after seeing a particularly tight and enticing set of male buttocks, but he was saved by God. It was a really difficult time for him, with images of anal rape streaming through his consciousness day and night. He decided to punish himself severely, and if it were legal, he would also punish others in terrible ways.
  6. I'm not saying Bryant C. Foxx's buttocks are the most disgustingly enticing I've ever seen, but if he ever tried to rub his lower back region hotly against my pelvis, I would feel so revolted I certainly would tie him down and whip him with something hard and thick until the place was filled with goo. I'm really sorry but I cannot state, with clear conscience, that the study contains factual information. It is just too sick.