Stubbed toe
“Ow!”
– A toe stubbing victim on stubbing their toe
It is widely agreed upon that stubbing your toe hurts. Perhaps not as much as stepping on lego, but more than a nettle sting.
Sources of a stubbed toe[edit | edit source]
The curb is the most common source of a stubbed toe. It occurs when someone, most often a millennial, is looking at their phone and walks into the curb. While not the most painful source of a stubbed toe, many agree it is mildly annoying due to the chance of your shoe getting dirty.
The second most common source of a stubbed toe is a wall. Many toe stubbers will argue that the wall is the most painful to stub your toe on, as many have stubbed their toes on a wall wearing either socks or nothing on their feet at all. Of the three most common sources, walls are also the most prevalent, even having the nerve to appear in the victim's house. Walls are everywhere, and the danger is absolute. At some point in their lives 77% of people have stubbed their toe on a wall. If you look at two people in the same room as you there is a 77% chance that they have both stubbed their toe on a wall. This terrifying statistic has led many to demolish walls and create open areas, now called fields.
Your other foot is the third most common source of a stubbed toe. While walking, the end of one foot collides with the other. The effects of stubbing your foot on the other foot can vary from slight embarrassment to tripping over and dying. Many have called this the most ironic way to stub your toe, as when the victim falls to the floor there is a chance of toes on the other foot getting stubbed as well.
Symptoms & Treatments[edit | edit source]
Symptoms of a stubbed toe can include discoloring of the toe, swelling, throbbing pain, erectile dysfunction, bleeding, mild discomfort and death. Two treatments exist for stubbed toes, including bandages and sucking on the affected toe.
Bandages can help stop the bleeding by absorbing the blood into the material and creating a blockade to stop the rest of the blood inside from escaping.
Sucking on the affected toe can help as the saliva from the mouth helps form a blood clot and stops the blood flow. It is recommended that the victim has someone else suck on the stubbed toe so they can at least enjoy themselves while in pain.