Senator
Senator is the brightest star system in the southern constellation of Toast. It is too far south to be visible in most northern hemispheres.
It is also one of the closest star systems to Earth, at 4.2 to 4.4 light years. This means if you squint really REALLY hard, like so hard your eye pops out and your mom comes in and starts screaming and drops your pancakes on the floor and you're really pissed because you wanted those pancakes really bad and you were really hungry because you had been up late last night and hadn't eaten since like six o'clock, but there she is screaming her freaking lungs out – while your damned pancakes are just sitting there on the floor looking up at you as if to say, "Please ... I need to be slathered with butter and drowned in Maple Syrup" – you can see it.
System components[edit | edit source]
Senator is a single star system consisting of the central star, Senate, with four planets in orbit around it. These planets were named after the characters on a popular late-1950s TV show, The Banana Splits.
Bingo[edit | edit source]
This is a small, rocky planet where there's probably nothing to do. BO-RING
Fleegle[edit | edit source]
Some people call this planet "Terrance". They're probably too stupid to be able to pronounce a word like "Fleegle", anyway. It's a huge, gas filled planet. (Not unlike Aunt Edna, eh?)
Drooper[edit | edit source]
This planet gained a lot of media attention recently when in the year 2001 a famous pharmaceutical company that invented Vioxx decided to build a giant billboard on the face of the planet advertising Enzyte, the all-natural male enhancement pill. Shortly thereafter, Donald Trump moved to Drooper and is now applying for it to be renamed Hardandfirm. You can tell what the draw was, selling boner pills to a planet named Drooper. Hahaha everyone. Very fucking funny.
Snorky[edit | edit source]
Classified: Home of an ancient race called the snorks, until some undiscovered disaster involving a bunch of paperclips, some drano, a silver dollar and Andrew Dean Richards.
Star data[edit | edit source]
The main star, Senate, is five or six billion years old. We think. The Jesus Freaks will tell you otherwise, but we scientists are more than a match for them on the polo field, right chaps?
Seen from Earth, Senator is separated by two degrees from Alpha Centauri A and B (about four times the angular diameter of the full Moon), and the latter is at an angular distance of up to forty seconds from each other. One popular observation method, perfected by Yakov Smirnoff et. al., involves putting your thumb and forefinger on either side of the distant star and saying (in a Russian accent), "I crush you, senator, CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG!"
Facts[edit | edit source]
- Right ascension (J2000): 14h39m35.9s
- Declination (J2000): −60°50′07″
- Distance from Earth: 4.36 light years
- Parallax: 0.751″ ± 0.075″
- Apparent visual magnitude: −0.01
- Absolute visual magnitude: +4.34
- Spectral type: G2V(+K1V)
- Mass: 1.10 (A), 0.92 (B) Solar masses
- Luminosity: 1.57 (A), 0.51 (B) Solar luminosities
- Life Stage: Main Sequence
- Kick-assity: Low to majorly Geeky
