Random person number 29
“I met random person number 29 today. It was a sensational experience. Random person 29 has changed my life.”
“Go tell your sob story to someone else!”
“I know not who random person number 29 is, nor what they are like, but I have met them many times before, and random person number 29 is a jerk. ”
“In communist Russia, you AREN'T random person number 29!”
Random person number 29 can be any random person chosen from a group or list. Random person number 29 can be little Jimmy from down the street, the old scarfaced general, a grue, or even you... all at the same time. Random person number 29 is no one and everyone at once. Random person number 29 is said to be the sole possessor of the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, capable of understanding nothing.
Why random person number 29 is significant[edit | edit source]
Random person number 29 has published books, conquered contries, invented Coke, found x, invented Mentos, found out that the world, is indeed, flat, discovered when coke and mentos mix they create geysers, and later discovered geysers. Random person number 29 is a necessary placeholder in the space-time continuum, much like kittens and giant enemy crab. If random person number 29 didn't exist, Snape would not have killed Dumbledore on page 556, King Arthur would have obtained the Holy Grail, Jack Sparrow would not have died, and in place of Uncylopedia, a messed up site named "Wikipedia" might exist.
Random person number 28[edit | edit source]
Random person number 29 is often confused with random person number 28. Random person number 28 was an extra in the anime series Inu Yasha. He played a vital and difficult role that involved much sitting and staring at Kagome for hours during the filming process. Many scholars today believe random person number 28 was Chuck Norris. Few people realize it was actually George W. Bush. It was understood that Justin Timberlake was scheduled to be the official random person number 28. However, due to poor CD sales, he was demoted to random person number 38 and, in his place, snooker player Steve Davis assumed the role of random person number 28. This is disputed to this day due to George W. Bush all but taking the role.
Rumour has it that traditionally, the role was to be changed every two years through means of a game of poker. Assuming this is the case, the current holder of the title of random person number 28 is Newcastle United FC goalkeeper Shay Given. He then is obliged to offer a game of poker to random person number 29 and deliberately opt to lose. The only time this rule was ever broken was the 1942 game between random person number 29, Marlon Brando, and random person number 28, Adolf Hitler. Brando was on the verge of winning the game when his chip stack was given a good punching by Hitler's (right) hand. Brando went off crying, leaving Hitler to declare himself the winner by default. Then lived forever.
Connections to 42[edit | edit source]
Random person number 29 has close ties to the number 42. 42, being the answer to everything, is also the answer to who random person number 29 is. Since random person number 29 can be anyone at any time, 42, which can be anything at any time, is also random person number 29 at any of those times, but isn't, while random person 29 is 42, always.
Up until 1965, it was commonplace for random people numbers 29 and 42 to come together and play a 2 vs. 1 chess tournament with their added-up counterpart, random person number 71. In the final game ever, Elvis Presley (29) and Mahatma Gandhi (42) played a 9 game series against Charles Dickens (71). The series was tied at 4-4 after 8 games, and in the final game, Dickens (playing black) opened with the Dick Whittington gambit, forcing Presley and Ghandi's queen to be replaced with a hollow white chocolate Santa Claus. Considering the game was played in temperatures of over 105 degrees Fahrenheit, this was soon to prove disadvantageous. Their queen was lost, and they went on to lose the series 5-4. Dickens then declared the tournament closed for all eternity, then he died aged 756. The public were outraged to see such unfair circumstances, with 94% of the public demanding a rematch against Dickens' ashes. The British House of Lords voted against the idea, however, and the tournament was officially declared closed on November 103rd that same year. This whole phase was, and still is, referred to as 'Santagate'.
The lower house of the Mongolian government are arranging for a resurrection to the tournament to be made within the next 50 years, taking place in Antarctica so as to ensure there is no repeat of the Santagate scandal. There is no reaction from the public as yet, who are all sleeping.
Not the number 4[edit | edit source]
One thing random person number 29 isn't, is not the number 4. Random person number 29 is also not not not not the number 4. Random person number 29 encompasses every living being, except for the fourth in every tridimensional rift quadrant. The leftout person is often referred to as Oprah.