Or Else
“Or else what?”
Or Else is a phrase that is both terrifying and useful, terrifying because of its usefulness, and useful because of its terrifyingness. It is used primarily to indicate that a person abso-fucking-lutely must comply with your request or demand, and that failure to do so will have the most tragically dire of consequences. If somebody ever tells you "[insert unreasonable demand here] or else," you had best fucking listen up, or else it is your arse that is going to pay. Indeed, you must utterly, completely, entirely oblige that person or the worst possible thing will happen, I swear it. Stabbing you in the arm with an infected needle would not be as bad as the consequences of this threat. I have done it before, and I totally fucking swear I will do it again. And so on.
What exactly "Else" was, if it ever even existed at all, is now lost to history. Recent archaeological findings suggest that it might have been an acronym for "Ninjas with bad breath will kill you," but this has fallen under criticism by the scientific community, as even this suggestion is not as dire as what the threat must imply.
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The Origins of "Or Else"[edit | edit source]
In World War II, it was President Abraham Lincoln who said, in perhaps his most famous speech:
“Listen up, you redneck Southern inbred pecker-faces... you'd best get your asses back in the Union like good, obedient little kids... or else!”
This political maneuver was right fucking harsh, and it scared a whole lot of inbred Southern rednecks out of their skulls. Robert E. Lee, however, decided that this challenge clearly meant the gloves were off — and responded to the effect that he was "good and ready to throw-down against this hoity-toity Yankee fuckhead," referring of course to Lincoln.
“If that fucking guy thinks he can push us around, he is absolutely incorrect. Fellow inbred Southern rednecks, I am good and ready to throw down against this hoity-toity Yankee fuckhead they call Abraham Lincoln... or else!”
Common Usage of "Or Else"[edit | edit source]
Often the phrase is used to drive home pertinent meanings. It has become understood through the forces of magic that the phrase "or else," when appended to any form of demand, indicates that failure to comply will result in something... bad. One can often derive from the contextual usage of "or else" just how severe the consequences might be. However, with recent overusage, the phrase has also come to to be used when the speaker lacks the creativity to come up with an appropriate threat, or even the power to act on one.
Errors in the Usage of "Or Else"[edit | edit source]
One must be cautious in using "or else." Although generally taken to be a threat, if you are indeed powerless to enforce that threat (i.e., if you are a pussy), your ruse may be quickly undone. The most obvious misuse of the phrase occurred in the year 2002, when Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein delivered this ultimatum to President George Bush:
“President Bush, you're a worthless bastard, as well as a capitalist pig. Surrender the United States of America to me, and declare me the Dictator of all America, or else.”
As anyone with a TV, radio, or Oscillation Overthruster™ could easily see, this thinly-veiled threat had no real potency, and the results were catastrophic for Saddam. We fucking buried that guy.
You had better finish your Uncyclopedia article, "Or Else"[edit | edit source]
And on a more personal note, I happen to know that you're working on an article for Uncyclopedia at this very moment. If you don't finish it, I could unleash my elite fucking Ninja Skills on you, you lazy fucking bastard, but even that would not be as bad as "Or Else"! I can't believe you aren't willing to take the time to finish your fucking articles on this web site. Your jokes about poo are not amusing, nor are your one-liners about Hilary Fucking Duff. Put forth some goddamn effort, you miserable cretins. Jeezus Jumping Allah on a Pogo-Stick!
Yeah, it's really creative to put the word "fuck" in a text-box, and repeat it 500 fucking times. I swear to God, I've pooped out giant smelly turds with more creative potential than some of you people.
Admittedly, it's not all bad. There are some terrifically creative people here, and I don't mean any disrespect to them, but Jesus Christ — Grantoc? What the fuck is that shit? "The fish will die?" Who cares? You can't think of anything better than Lord Arthexis?
Look, search out some articles from this guy. It will help you lessen the extent of your cranial-rectal inversion problems. Apparently he's pretty good at what he does. Oh, and if he calls you a fucking moron, I'm willing to bet you deserve it, assbag.
Anyway, you'd better get that thing finished, or else!
Or Else... What?[edit | edit source]
Whenever this phrase is used this usually either confuses the person until the point comes that their head asplodes and there's a big mess everywhere, or they get confused and does a complete asshole move and moves the or else to now. In this point you, sir, are screwed as fuck.