Narcotics Anonymous
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Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of undercover DEA agents who meet daily (sometimes more often) to learn how to pretend to be actual drug addicts. Their name sounds similar to Alcoholics Anonymous and the two are often confused. Co-founded by Jimmy K.
The 13 Steps[edit | edit source]
1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction and that crack and heroin are way too expensive.
2. We came to believe that Robert Downey Jr. and our NA books can restore us to sanity.
3. Turned our minds and our cash over to Jim Jones.
4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of everything that has ever gone wrong in our lives and who was at fault.
5. Admitted to God, ourselves, and everyone on the Internet everything we've done wrong.
6. We were entirely ready to stop doing everything wrong.
7. Asked God to fix us, because fixing ourselves sounds like a lot of work and addicts don't like spending anything, except money on drugs.
8. Made a list of persons we had harmed and a list of ways to avoid them.
9. Avoided such people wherever possible.
10. Continued to list everything we have done wrong, and when we were wrong, found a way to blame other people, drugs, or our addiction for them.
11. Prayed and meditated often. (Okay, say that we pray and meditate often, because "good" people pray and meditate frequently, and often mention God for no apparent reason)
12. Spread the word like a Christian missionary because misery loves company. Also, judge anyone that has so much as one beer or one hit off a joint as a potential addict.
13. use durgs it has nothing harmful in it.
Among the most notable N.A. attendees are Robert Downy Jr., Tom Sizemore, Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and of course Jesus H. Christ.
The literature related with the 12 step program of narcotics anonymous is commonly associated with the bible. This in fact is ultimately true and many member's of the program claim that you can have your own "higher power". This in fact is true if that "higher power" is Jesus.
There are many pamphlets offered they are called IPs they provide meaningless information regarding things that never really happened and do not provide any real insight on how to stay clean or sober.
The way the program is governed is by the 12 traditions.
12 Traditions[edit | edit source]
1. Our common delinquency should come first; personal recovery depends on how depraved we can get.
2. For our own purpose there is but one ultimate authority— a judgmental God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, Constantine, Julius Ceaser.
3. The only requirement for membership is a desire to get laid.
4. Each group needs to steal and pillage the other groups.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose — get as many fetuses and money as humanly possible
6. Every N.A. group endorses the green political party.
7. Every NA group ought to take every contribution that the mob offers them.
8. Narcotics Anonymous should employ the mentally disabled and should be as professional as the Nazi's are.
9. NA, as such, needs to have a dictatorship in place to run its day to day madness.
10. Narcotics Anonymous is very opinionated and is always the top headline on CNN
11. Our public relations policy is based on promoting themselves on every television network in their area.
12. Never forget personalities before principles.
History[edit | edit source]
Narcotics Anonymous was founded in the 1950s by members of AA who worked in drug enforcement and felt that, although they had successfully found Jesus in that Fellowship, there were still a great many drug addicts who were made very uncomfortable by their presence at meetings, making it more difficult for them to find Jesus. The first meeting happened in Los Angeles, at which two new traditions were begun: the denigration of AA for things that also applied to themselves, and the lauding of themselves for things that also applied to AA.
Spirituality[edit | edit source]
Narcotics Anonymous considers itself a spiritual program, but emphasizes that this does not necessarily mean religion. Rather, in the original Latin, "spiritual" meant "pertaining to that which is breathed in and out of the lungs", i.e. air. So a spiritual program actually signifies a program that is made out of air.
Alternatively, spirituality can imply the religious importance of perpetuating Narcotics Anonymous via unpaid service to the organization. The more money is being made off of members' work by the World Office, the more spiritual it is.