Mimoň grammar school

Gymnázium Mimoň
Motto	ELITA NÁRODA - Nation's Elite
Established	1990
School type	Grammar school
Head	Unnamed
Location	Mimoň, Sudetenland, Czech Republic
Campus	Grammar school
Enrollment	Approx. 300 200 are infected by Brainrot Most of Students graduated
Endowment	Minimal

Gymnázium Mimoň (Better known as GYMI) is a crumbling educational institution masquerading as a grammar school, located in the mysteriously enduring town of Mimoň — a place that sounds like it was named by Gru from Despicable Me and geographically tucked somewhere in the forgotten folds of the Sudetenland. Housed in a building that looks like it lost the will to live in the 1980s, the school bravely insists on continuing to offer secondary education, despite the obvious desire of its plaster, windows, and heating system to retire. Gymnázium Mimoň offers a general academic program, preparing students for university or, more likely, for a life of quiet existential dread under leaking ceilings. It remains one of the few institutions in the region where students can simultaneously learn Latin and watch mushrooms grow on the walls during meth class.

History

The origins of Gymnázium Mimoň lie in Česká Lípa, a town that once had enough schools to exile one. That school ended up in Mimoň — an architectural dead zone chosen less for its promise and more as a warning. The current building, a block from the golden age of central planning, served from 1973 to 1990 as a Soviet military school for the children of stationed officers. It fit the setting: Mimoň, together with the nearby Hradčany Air Base, functioned as a de facto Soviet colony — a landlocked Kaliningrad dropped into the Sudetenland, with more mold, asbestos, and unresolved ethnic tension.

The school sits in the Letná housing estate, a Cold War enclave built exclusively for Soviet personnel — fenced in, watched, and operated under the comforting logic of militarized paranoia. Following the regime collapse in 1989, the Soviet troops withdrew (not so much defeated as simply bored), leaving behind a school, a few monuments, and a cultural residue that still hasn't washed off. In 1990, the building was hastily rebranded as a Czech grammar school. Paint was applied. Nothing changed.

Today, Gymnázium Mimoň remains more or less frozen in time: pedagogically stagnant, architecturally hostile, and spiritually haunted. The structure still exudes the quiet despair of prefab Asbestos. Renovations have been cosmetic at best — layers of bureaucracy added like coats of flaking paint. Attempts at modernization are routinely absorbed and neutralized by the building itself, which resists progress like a failed state resisting international aid.

Rooms and equipment

The school is divided into three pavilions: A, B, and C. On paper, that might sound like a well-planned educational complex. In reality, it’s a decaying Soviet carcass with collapsing ceilings, toilet-scented corridors, and classrooms that look like crime scenes from a failed pedagogy experiment.

Pavilion A

Closer to Liberec. Also closer to psychological collapse.

A11 – "Foreign Language Room 1"

• A sad hybrid of a computer lab and storage closet. Four dusty PCs barely run Windows, and the desk layout suggests the furniture gave up on itself.

A12 – "Foreign Language Room 2"

• It’s so small, students need to exhale in turns. The room could pass for solitary confinement if it weren’t for the posters of German verbs peeling off the walls.

A13 – Home class of loud middle schoolers

• Constant yelling. Sounds like a riot led by sugar-high rich idiots saying Italian brainrot.

A14 – Music Room

• Flutes. Off-key singing. Trauma. You’ll hear it before you see it, and you’ll wish you hadn’t.

A15 – Office for half the teaching staff (English, German, History, Czech)

• Always locked. Possibly abandoned. May contain skeletons.

Upstairs:

A21 – Used to be Biology.

• Whiteboard stained, projector dead, ceiling cracked.

A22 – Cabinet for sciences and humanities.

• Used to hold lab materials. Now just holds dust and the dreams of reform.

A23 – Home of Oktáva.

• The last survivors before graduation. Dead eyes, loud complaints, and desks etched with nihilism.

A24 – Art room

• Screaming. Flying objects. Permanent smell of tempera and despair.

A25 – Cabinet for French, Russian, and Physics.

• Home of French guy, Mrs. Art teacher and moron . Cold War time capsule.

Sanitation Note: Both floors have toilets. All of them reek of fermented sewage. Some pipes are older than the Czech Republic.

Pavilion B

The other side. Technically closer to Česká Lípa, spiritually further from hope.

B11 – Chemistry Room

• Looks semi-functional, probably because it’s coated in a layer of chemical residue. Smells like bleach and burned plastic.

B12 – Chemical Storage

• Locked, dusty, occasionally rattles. No one asks why.

B16 – Ex-math room

• Loud, messy, the furniture's losing structural integrity. Like the class itself.

B17 – Prevention Counselor’s Office

• Officially “mental health support.” Actually a locked door and a broken chair.

B18 – Robotics Room

• Last used during the Obama administration. Full of dead wires and forgotten grants.

B19 – Possibly the Deputy Principal’s Office

• It’s either that or a mop closet. Hard to say.

Upstairs:

B21 – Former history room, now noisy student class.

• There’s still a Stalin poster under the whiteboard paint if you look closely.

B22 – Cabinet for humanities and English.

• Smells like mildew.

B23 – Geography room

• Outdated maps. Just kids and a broken radiator.

B24 – Former library, now Septima’s room

B25 – “Chill Room”

• Two beanbags. One has a hole. One has something living in it. The table wobbles like it’s afraid of commitment.

Pavilion C

A glorified corridor pretending to be infrastructure.

C11 – IT Room

• Surprisingly functional. Probably because no one’s allowed to touch anything without supervision.

C12 & C13 – Physics Storage

• Boxes. Dust. Possibly stolen uranium.

C14 – Physics Classroom

• Massive columns block half the whiteboard. You’ll learn a lot about obstruction and entropy.

C15 – Cabinet for math, physics, and chemistry.

• No one cares.

Structural Integrity

• The entire building was declared not worth renovating. A full reconstruction was proposed, then ignored.
• The roof is visibly sagging. Ceiling panels have fallen in multiple rooms. No one replaced them.
• Lead plates in the walls (a relic of Soviet-era signal jamming) block most mobile signals, creating an accidental Faraday cage of misery.
• Wi-Fi? Unreliable. Power outlets? A gamble. Furniture? Wobbly, mismatched, occasionally broken.

Personnel

The Relics (30+ years in "service")

These people have been here since the Soviet flag flew over Hradčany Air Base. They've survived communism, privatization, three curriculum reforms, and the complete decay of optimism.

The Married Duo (IT + PE)

• Surprisingly solid. Both are fit, competent, and weirdly human in a place that punishes both traits. No one knows why they’re still here. Possibly just too stubborn to quit.

The Problem

• Male teacher. Doesn’t hide his misogyny. Known for unsolicited rants about “how women ruined society.” Students avoid him. Staff tolerates him. Legend says he mentally cracked after he removed a structural support beam from a hallway and some woman left him for that action. He never recovered.

The “Artist”

• Teaches art and Russian. Dresses like a lost Rastafarian. Probably smokes weed. Owns a .357 Magnum stainless revolver. Still somehow more stable than most.

The Old Guard (20+ years)

Mostly extinct. The few that remain are either too burnt out to leave or have made the chaos part of their personality.

The Headmistress

• Former teacher, left the school and came back after approximately 5 months. Manages the school with the same energy as a broken fax machine: technically functioning, but never when you need it. Widely blamed for driving out the last wave of competent staff. But it got better.

Fresh Meat (Under 10 years)

The bulk of the workforce. Young, overqualified, and visibly deteriorating.

• Some still try.
• Most are already checked out.
• All are chronically underpaid and one dumbass comment away from quitting.

You’ll hear things like:

• “Did Jesus live before Christ?”
• “Can I identify as a plant?”
• “Is Hitler still alive in Argentina?”

And then you’ll watch a 28-year-old slowly disassociate mid-lesson.

• One guy hasn’t even finished his degree.
• Screams like he’s leading a military tribunal. No one intervenes. Frankly, fair reaction.

Nobody here is in it for the long haul. Gymnázium Mimoň eats idealists and shits out cynics. You come in green. You leave grey.

Student life

Located in a crumbling post-socialist relic of a building, Gymnázium Mimoň combines educational aspiration with infrastructural collapse. The ceilings leak. The windows don’t close. The toilets emit sounds not dissimilar to human suffering. Reconstruction has been deemed economically unjustifiable; a full demolition would be more efficient — assuming anyone cared enough to initiate it.

Motto in Practice

“You are the nation’s elite.” — Repeated by both current and former headmistress.

Originally a Communist slogan. Still used unironically, often just before:

• A student fails math for the third time.
• Someone screams “Skibidi Toilet” in the middle of Latin declensions.

The irony is lost on most.

Lower Grades (Ages 11–15)

Officially: academically gifted youth.

In practice: evolutionary regression in real time.

• One student claimed “Jesus was born 6000 years before Christ” — sincerely.
• Another got a positive behavior note for screaming internet memes during a lesson.
• Use of racial slurs in Czech is frequent and normalized. Sanctions are symbolic. Apologies? Nonexistent.

If transported to the U.S., any competent middle school educator would resign immediately. At Gymnázium Mimoň, the staff remain — through guilt, inertia, or the absence of better options.

Upper Grades (Ages 16–20+)

By now, students are visibly deteriorating from academic pressure, nicotine dependency, and the psychic weight of institutional neglect.

Substance Intake:

• Malboro Gold cigarettes (every break, every day)
• VELO nicotine pouches (stored in pencil cases, under tongue, or both)
• Energy drinks (legal stimulants consumed like intravenous therapy)

Academic Knowledge:

• Can quote Nietzsche or Schopenhauer in class debates.
• Cannot identify key 20th-century political leaders.
• Cheating is rampant and largely successful.
• Phones, micro-cheat sheets, memorization chains — often more advanced than state-issued testing procedures.

Atmosphere:

A toxic blend of:

• Academic fatigue
• Performative intellect
• Boiled cafeteria meat and burnt plastic

All layered under a haze of synthetic nicotine and existential defeat.

Cafeteria

Forget whatever you think a European school lunch is. This isn’t Ratatouille. The Gymnázium Mimoň cafeteria works on a rationing system.

• You don’t choose your meal — The meal chooses you. One meal. One soup. No substitutions. No mercy.
• The food tastes like shit (most of the time).
• Most meals could be replaced with wet cardboard and nobody would notice.
• Soup is always included — mostly as liquid with floating vegetables and mysterious particles.

Example meal:

Chicken-style substance in UHO, mashed potato slime, cabbage water.

SITTING

Here’s the fun part: the cafeteria is too small. It also serves students from the adjacent special-needs school, which — plot twist — is newer, cleaner, and more structurally sound than Gymnázium Mimoň itself.

So naturally:

• There are never enough seats.
• Students regularly end up eating while standing, squatting, or — ultimate humiliation — at the teachers’ table, while the P.E. teacher silently judges your posture.
• If you’ve ever wanted to eat chemically reconstituted pork next to someone who failed you in math, this is your moment.

HYGIENE

• The trays are older than the Czech Republic.
• The forks bend like Soviet aluminum.
• And the tables look like relics from a nuclear test site.
• Someone once found a bug in their soup. They named it “Franta” and moved on.

Cool stuff

Despite chronic underfunding, decaying infrastructure, and management practices that belong in the Cold War, GYMI occasionally manages to simulate real education. Here’s how.

Exchange Programs and International Trips

Yes, they exist.

• Trips to Belgium, the UK, and even Brussels have taken place.
• Swiss exchange students have visited. Most went quiet after entering the building — presumably from shock.

These activities are rare but functional. They serve one key purpose: letting students temporarily forget the institution they’re returning to.

Outcome: educational value is real. Morale boost is temporary.

Ski Courses

Every year, younger students are shipped off to a mountain resort for "Physical Education."

In reality:

• Half the group ends up injured or lost
• Equipment is outdated and barely safe
• Teachers treat it like unpaid overtime

The school insists it builds resilience. In practice, it builds hospital bills.

Field Trips to the Czech Parliament

Students are taken to the Chamber of Deputies.

• They sit in chairs usually occupied by corrupt MPs and, briefly, pretend they live in a functioning democracy.
• Educational takeaway: power is aesthetic and performative.

Still, it's one of the better-organized trips.

Open House (Annual PR Campaign)

Held only once a year for parents and incoming students.

Key features:

• Only the four cleanest rooms are shown
• Broken equipment is hidden
• Teachers perform demonstrations they never do in normal class
• Expensive lab tools are temporarily unlocked for students to touch

Everything is scripted to misrepresent daily reality.

Comparisons

GYMI vs. UNC

Category	GYMI	UNC Chapel Hill
Friendships	Based on shared suffering. If they don’t insult you, they don’t trust you.	Polite but distant. Most people avoid conflict by pretending to be nice.
Dating	Rare. Mostly ends badly — cheating, ghosting, or panic. Nobody’s surprised.	Casual, short-term. Ends without explanation. Drama moves to Instagram.
Food Quality	Low. Could be food, could be something else.	Decent, but still heavily criticized.
Food Variety	One option. No choice. Eat or your food or food eats you instead.	Too many options. Causes anxiety. Most skip it anyway.
Dress Code	None. Military surplus, hand-me-downs, pajamas.	Athletic wear and branded clothes. Everyone looks tired.
Inclusivity	Nobody cares what you are — as long as you don’t talk about it.	Promoted publicly. In practice: surface-level tolerance, cliques, and performative statements.
Racism	Offensive jokes are normal. Teachers pretend not to hear them or join.	Banned. Students are too scared.
Campus Legends	Certain David Korch is an actual husband of Sabrina Carpenter.	A squirrel costume guy nearly won student elections. Dorms are “haunted” (probably mold and anxiety).
Emotional Toughness	High. Students are numb, cynical, and able to handle chaos without blinking.	Low. Any minor issue — no Wi-Fi, no AC — triggers meltdowns.
Self-Awareness	Clear. Everyone knows the system is broken and jokes about it.	Minimal. Most pretend they’re doing fine while falling apart inside.
Parental Involvement	Either zero or too much. Parents yell or disappear. Grades are life-or-death.	Overinvolved. Parents email professors about B+ grades.
Finances	Free or cheap. Students work side jobs or forge paperwork.	Expensive. Massive debt. People spend money on coffee while budgeting for therapy.
Career Prospects	Uncertain. Some escape abroad. Others vanish into bureaucracies or underpaid public jobs.	Structured paths, internships, networking. Still, nobody really knows what they’re doing.
Knowledge	Average student knows basic history, grammar, and geography. Even the worst ones read books.	Seniors confuse Chechnya with Czechia. Think Kafka is a dessert. Most knowledge comes from TikTok.

UNC Freshman vs. Graduaiting GYMI student

Parameter	UNC Freshman	GYMI Student (Graduaiting)
Age	18–19	19, sometimes
Academic GPA	3.8 — inflated via curved grading, participation points, and low expectations	2.72 — tanked by math and physics; literature essays read like Nietzsche on meth
Technical Subjects	Uses group projects and sympathetic TAs to coast through STEM	Physically recoils from sine functions; physics = shared trauma
Computer Equipment	M1 MacBook Air, pink case, anime stickers	Overheated Acer Aspire 3 — GPU wheezes audibly
Childhood	Raised on almond milk, screen time limits, and supervised play dates	Two and a half years unraised, two and a half years raised by the state, then as the happiest foster child
Memory	Forgets the name of the country they studied last week	In twenty seconds, he tells the exact layout of the armor of a T-72 tank, explains the principle of automatic loading (he learned everything when he was seven), and then sings Poverty and Femine from memory.
Video Games	Cozy indie games where nothing hurts	A veteran of all CS games, War Thunder for a peek into leaked classified information, Sprocket because he likes building tanks, and Automation because he likes designing cars.
Mental Diagnosis	“High-functioning anxiety,” diagnosed by Instagram infographics	Confirmed autism, he knows how to use it to his advantage.
Stress Response	Sobs silently, uninstalls apps, drinks herbal tea	Playing Automation
Preferred Outfit	Clean thrift-core, matching tote bag. Overall basic.	Baggy jeans, or some retro clothing. Wears 50 years old ties. Respects history
Footwear	White sneakers, Crocs, or something vegan	brown lace-ups.
Physical Appearance	Clear skin, pastel eyeliner, proud of skincare routine	Uncut hair, grey patch forming, looks something between 13 - 35
Hair & Facial Hair	Styled biweekly — mullet, fade, or ironic bowl cut	Doesn’t know what cut to get – “skill issue”; wants a full beard but only the moustache is viable
Weapons Attitude	“Nobody needs guns” — panics at balloon pops	He likes guns, especially those with wooden stocks, bolt action, or if they make that ping when the magazine is fired. He also likes a certain assault rifle that looks like an AK-47, but can be loaded from the top.
Political Views	Progressive with stickers to prove it	Votes because he can, but – chooses “least idiotic” option from bad lineup
Coping Mechanisms	Instagram therapy reels, mood boards, crying in stairwells	Cold coffee, modding, staring at Soviet blueprints
Humor	Self-deprecating but safe; fears being “problematic”	A jumble of racist jokes, brain rot, historical references, most of the time no one will understand the joke, or it will offend someone.
LGBTQ+ Stance	Rainbow everything; passive-aggressive activism	He actively mocks this group, but otherwise he doesn't care = they are people, and they are equal.
Authority Attitude	Sends polite emails and thanks professors for feedback	Accepts the faith.
Friendship Model	Fast, fleeting, based on trauma-dumping	Almost as durable as marriage.
Greeting Style	“Heyy 😄” + pronouns	Several options: If he is in a good mood, he will greet you with a "sup" style, a curse, or some kind of German phrase, followed by raising his right hand (only the chosen ones). If he is in a bad mood, he will greet you or remain silent.
Romantic Strategy	Gentle flirting via astrology memes	Intellectual dominance, historical anecdotes, awkward staring
Future Outlook	UN internship, master's in Eco-Feminist Policy, dreams of Brussels	Might be a history teacher, plans moving to Canada and after Mr. McTrump gets finally sick of all bigmacs, then move to US.
Social Presence	Curated Instagram grid, LinkedIn endorsements from classmates	Obscure username
Extra-Curriculars	Debate Club, Queer Book Circle, Environmental Action Coalition	Historical document analysis, modding Cold War sim engines, sipping coffee in silence
Language Proficiency	Native English, passable Spanish if you count Duolingo	Intermediate English, militarized German, Czech unpolished but effective
Weekend Routine	Sleep, scroll TikTok, post stories from brunch	Automation > lecture > Automation > late-night listening to war crime playlist on Spotify Premium
Perception by Others	“Really sweet girl from Women’s Lit class”	“That walking encyclopedia with the laptop – weird, but useful sometimes” (by most)
School Promotion	Linkedin post after every workshop	Created fake history of the school claiming it was a Cold War military research site. Also wrote an article on a Necyklopedie claiming that his school started a coup and the subsequent nearly twenty-year civil war. And several teachers praised him for it.