Lint
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Lint, not to be confused with the sacred holiday of the Christians in which they set fire to a rabbit encased in a large 3 dimensional Jewish star whilst belly dancers and indigineous musicians begin to play the macarena, no, that would be a very stupid misunderstanding, lint is a magical and all-knowing substance that grows between human apendages. Lint itself has many useful properties, such as clogging a drain, forcing a homeowner to vacuum, and, keeping that thing between your toes warm.
There is speculation as to whether lint has true intelligence as it always seems to hide itself in the last place you look for it. Of course, many scientific minds have pondered and investigated this possibility - all of which have failed because: A) lint is in fact more intelligent than even the greatest human minds can contemplate or B)They were drunk
It is needless to say that through the investigations, many experiments have been performed on lint, some would argue that these experiments are unethical. Hence the creation of PETL, People for the Ethical Treatment of Lint.
Types Of Lint[edit | edit source]
Lint has come in many shapes, sizes, colors and flavors since it's discovery. All the known types are listed in the following:
Pocket Lint[edit | edit source]
This type of Lint is commonly found in pockets, hence the name. It is the most common type of Lint and is being researched at the moment as a possible new fuel source or pillow stuffing and a certain barbeque sauce.
Belly-Button Lint[edit | edit source]
Found in enlightened people's Belly Buttons, Belly-Botton Lint symbolizes laziness and extreme awesomeness at the same time in Christianity it is also the secret ingredient on KFC.
Toe Jam[edit | edit source]
Famous for not containing the word "Lint" in it's name, Toe Jam is very common for sock wearers and keeps vampires(and young women) away.
Q Lint[edit | edit source]
The most powerful and unstable type of Lint. It derives from the power of the sheerly awesome letter Q, which is often misinterpreted by many readers as a weak, boring letter when it is indeed so awesome, it has its own servant (U). This type of lint has unknown potential and may be the cure to dogs and cats from raining. note:lint is cool
Brain Socket Lint[edit | edit source]
This lint grows like a fungi underneath the fingernails, making it's name very strange, very strange indeed.
Lindt[edit | edit source]
A kind of lint mass produced by the Nazi party and sent by bombers to the USA. It resembles FUDGE!!!!!!!!!.
Dryer Lint[edit | edit source]
Lint which results from rubbing clothes together and blowing air through them out of a tubular exhaust. Only lint created this way can be given the reserved name "Dryer Lint", much the same as fine wine is designated in Italy and France. A Dryer is just one place to find it; however, one can commonly find it on laundromat floors. Dryer Lint provides an excellent way to set your house on fire, if you ever should find the need.
Floor Lint[edit | edit source]
Hideous, vile lint. What ever happens, do NOT look under your bed. Trust me.
Discovery[edit | edit source]
It is believed Lint was discovered by sir Alfred Nobel shortly before he created Dyno-Might! He claimed that "Lint has fueled my discovery, and shall fuel the cars of the future."
He was sporked shortly after saying the above quote, but it was indeed forever remembered by the media.
Pausible Uses[edit | edit source]
As stated above, Lint can be used for many things, one of the most famous uses being by Zeno, in an attempt to prove his Theory. It was said he laid out several peices of Lint in front of him and drew on them the points that he made for conducting his expiriments.
Another famous use of Lint was in modern times, when a group of Brain Surgents used a mixture of Toe Jam, Brain Lint and Q Lint to replace the tumor-infected brain of a 30 year old man. The operation was a complete success, however the pateint afterwards became too awesome due to the large amount of Q lint inserted into his head, and saying his name would easily kill most people. This was a major problem.