K-pop Demon Hunters
K-Pop Demon Hunters | |
|---|---|
 "Wish they'd hunt me..." | |
| Directed by | A TON of people |
| Written by | Wasn't written, the script was summoned from Hell |
| Produced by | A psychopath |
| Starring | Asian people |
| Edited by | Windows Movie Maker (Windows Vista edition) |
| Music by | Hellish |
Production company | |
| Distributed by | Netflix |
Release date | Not long enough ago |
Running time | WAY too long but it's mostly singing |
| Countries | Canada, America, Korea, Hell |
| Languages | Korean, Gibberish |
| Budget | A popsicle stick and 3 pennies |
| Box office | 100x the GDP of France |
“You're my soda pop, my little soda pop”
– Oscar Wilde on K-pop Demon Hunters
K-Pop Demon Hunters was a 2025 visual virus that infected Asia, America, and probably the rest of the world via its carrier, Netflix. Produced by a sea of people who somehow managed to collectively contribute nothing of value, it follows a group of K-pop stars who live double lives as singers and demon hunters. Real clever, that one. The big plot twist is that their rival boy band is made up entirely of demons. Even more subtle, that one.
The film received praise from the mindless sycophants who would also be equally satisfied by any bright colorful lights being blasted into their face along with borderline trauma inducing music. The animation looked like someone watched the last 5 Pixar movies and decided to just steal it with no changes whatsoever... another victim fallen to the Steven Universe style curse. The soundtrack also received a whole lot of accolades, mostly due to it infecting the minds of the judges thanks to all the children endlessly streaming it on their iPads all day.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Way back in time, back when everyone saw things in black and white and at 12fps, there were the demons, ruled by an evil creature known as "Grand-Ma", and the demon hunters, a trio of women. The demon hunters employed a secret technique called the "Hongbong", a sort of magic barrier that was outlawed in the Geneva Convention.
Flash forward to 2025, and the new demons hunters happen to be a trio of coked-out K-pop stars: Roomi, Boomi, and Doomi. Or at least that's what they sounded like to me. Anyways, Roomi, the main character, notices that she has a really poorly drawn tattoo of shrek on her face. She devises a virus song called "Golden", which will strengthen their war-crime into a shield so strong it will both wipe out the demons AND remove her stupid tattoo.
Grand-Ma, meanwhile, is still alive and baking demonic cookies down in Hell. She enlists the services of generic boy band "Baja Boys" to steal away the K-pop trio's fans, which will somehow weaken their super-shield and activate the elevator out of hell (because she is so fat from living off of cookies that she cannot use the stairs). The K-popper girlies realize the boy band is composed of demons after the notice devil tails, horns on their head, and especially when they say "we are demons" during their debut song, "Soda Pop". The main demon, Jinoo, notices Roomi's shitty tattoo and realizes he had drunkenly done it at a house party some years ago. Both groups get into a big battle over nail polish and other K-pop stuff, and Jinoo decides to help Roomi because God forbid some lame enemies-to-lovers trope isn't in every Netflix movie... well, whatever. Jinoo used to be a poor farmer who sold his soul to Grand-Ma in order to become famous, and as a result is now her primary minion.
The Baja Boys get more and more popular due to them having dicks and the girl trio not having them, and the Hongbong becomes weaker and weaker. The K-pop girls write a new song called "Takedown", which has lyrics like "Suck our [hypothetical] dicks demons", "Demons ain't got shit like us bitches", and "All demons and part-demons and people with tattoos of demons need to die!" Roomi isn't a fan of this, for obvious reasons, and she gets into a cat fight with the other girls in a scene of all time! Roomi runs off to talk to Jinoo, and she says that if he helps her with her illegal weaponry, she will let him become a human again.
At the Oscars where the K-pop group had planned to release their new weapon publicly, they perform a new song called "Golden." (This song has been the root cause of all evil post 2025, and is banned in 113 countries). However, the demons had been playing Among Us, and replaced Boomi and Doomi with imposters, who trick Roomi into performing the anti-demon song, which somehow ends with her crappy tattoo being seen by all. Plot twist: the tattoo means she's actually part demon! Woah! Too bad we learned that in, like, the opening scene, or else this would have had a big impact. The real Boomi and Doomi are pissed at Roomi for being an all-round bitch and liar, and call her a bitch and a liar, (in Korean, so it passes the censors).
Grand-Ma then appears due to the Hongbong thing being a total failure, and she begins to use her magic to turn everyone into bowls of soup, including Boomi and Doomi. Roomi then begins to improv a song on the spot which she calls "Yo Idol" which is about how lame she is, how badly she can sing, why she keeps making those annoying faces, and how embarrassed she is of her tattoo. The song is so bad that Grand-Ma loses control of Boomi and Doomi, and then Jinoo sells his soul on EBay, (kinda strange, considering he already sold it to Grand-Ma), which gives Roomi the ULTIMATE POWERUP which enables her and her girls to annihilate Grand-Ma with the power of love and friendship.
The movie ends with what everyone came to watch it for: a bathhouse scene with all three girls! Oh yeah!
Production[edit | edit source]
The many directors could not agree on any single part of the movie, which was a leading cause of its rapid fire incoherent mess of a story, replete with TikTok styled clips and other brain rotted nonsense. The idea first popped into the mind of one Maggie Kang as she was tripping on shrooms while under a bridge in Incheon, South Korea. She then immediately ran over to the Sony HQ, where they signed her on for the price of one used condom and a few sticky coins they found in a carseat. 500 or so other writer/directors/producers/sycophants were added to the small team.
Originally, it was supposed to be about Korean culture, but that was quickly swept under the rug in favor of the stereotype that "Korea = K-Pop place" and that all Koreans looked like unrealistic supermodels. Mythology and demonology were to play a large part, but again, were swept under the rug and only mildly shown (i.e.: boys = demons). Kang was heard to say: "Marvel superheroes, they're like, sexy and cool and badass and I want to combine that with girls who have potbellies and burp and are crass and silly and fun." Oooook then, she totally sounds reasonable and sane.
Impact[edit | edit source]
The film had an impact on the same magnitude as that one earthquake that rocked the literal pants of of Japan. It was measured as going so far off the Richter Scale that it required a whole new category, that of "Titanous Destructus". Netflix, flush with cash, began to advertise it in place of their previous lovechild, Squid Game, and even Stranger Things!
Much like Encanto, it was a surprise hit for the studio, but they soon regretted ever having made it. The only thing that made them not want to pour molten lead in their ears was the fact that their pockets were bursting with dollar bills. Critics called it "The biggest shit of the summer" and "and animated sensation (in my private parts)" and many claimed that the Korean representation was the reason for its popularity as well. This, of course, is all a lie, as there is next to zero true Korean representation in the film. Even all the character names are stage names, not even real Korean names!
Another impact of the film was the much maligned singalongs that began popping up. Everyday people could be suddenly attacked by mobs of drone-like children shrieking the lyrics over and over while flapping their hands like retarded pigeons. Two of the main songs in the film managed to outperform every single REAL K-Pop group on the planet, which was a serious embarrassment for the nation of Korea to have been annihilated by Sony like that. The songs even managed to get onto the Top 100 List in the UK, which previously had been full of 100 different variations of "My Socks Smell" by the Beatles.
Unfortunately, the craze only got worse and worse and shows no signs of stopping. Novak Djokovic, a tennis player most known for his rage quits and assault on tennis equipment, did a "soda pop" dance after getting his colon cleansed by his opponent in a match (this was before he cried to the judges, and they gave him the win out of pity). The crowning jewel in industry hate was when it made its way onto SNL, where some characters sang clips of the biggest songs. They even infiltrated the Macy's Day Parade in November, but were quickly escorted out by security all the while howling the lyrics to "Golden".
Future[edit | edit source]
Yes, there is a sequel in the works. Oh fuck.
See also[edit | edit source]
- It looks like a real encyclopedia article. Ya know, with words and stuff.
- It has sections, paragraphs, and maybe an image or two.
- It has links to other articles.
- It has a body to go with its soul.