José Sócrates

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For the Brazilian ancient philosopher, see Socrates. Duh.
When granted his powers, José Sócrates was branded for life.

“Awesome, dude, awesome”

~ José Sócrates moments after signing the European Treaty of Lisbon (True fact...)

“I have a son called Magalhães”

~ José Sócrates at the maternity Alfredo da Costa

José "The Engineer" Sócrates, Socras, or Sapo Cocas (1957-present, unfortunattely) is a superhero who sold his soul to Satan. He has silver hair and sometimes, a big nose. And he's the Chief Executive Officer of Portugal (Where he feeds from the homeless and sacrifices Zé Povinho to Darth Vader). He has got the honor and the humiliation of being the most satirized person in Gato Fedorento.

Early life[edit]

Sócrates was born in Funchal, and in that day Satan visited young Jose's parents. He told them that if they handed him the soul of their son, he will grant him magical powers (you know, like the witches who were burned). As Jose's parents were poor and had no sense of humour, they thought that was supposed to be funny and agreed.

Satan give Jose magical powers. This gave him the right of studying in Hogwarts, the wizardry school. This would have made him the second Lord Voldemort, if the Sorting Hat, who couldn't decide in which house to put Jose (Slytherin or Slytherin?), had not send him to another wizardry school, The Independent Hogwarts (Hogwarts Independente).

Young Socrates went to this wizardry school, proper for people like burglers, bastards and thieves who wanted to go to the governement. This school was famous for being the only school to give diplomes on Sundays in Socrates's time, and to erase the teachers' memories so they don't remember which students frequented their classes.


For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about José Sócrates.


Socrates has many superpowers, the greatest one being his superspeed (which allows him to become an engineer in less then 3.00 minutes) and his ability to create diplomas whenever he wants. He has also the powers of irritating God in such point that he gives up. He is considered the grey-haired Antichrist of our time. He also possesses the mighty power of Magalhães, the awesome 8-bit computer designed for children (and by children).

"The Engineer" Sócrates is the only true ruler of the entire European Union because he was the offical MC of the music festival known as Treaty of Lisbon.


Let's face it. José Sócrates eats kryptonite for breakfast. However, he has some flaws, for example his low memory. Whenever he makes a decision, he then forgets it and does something completely different.

He also has a compulsive tendency to buy flowery dresses.