Infinity Blade
“Infinity Blade 4 will release on the Apple Pippin 2.”
Infinity Blade is a Fighting/Role-Playing video game developed by ChAIR Entertainment and released on December 9, 2010 by Potomac Computer Systems for the Apple Pippin at the price of $199.99 with a bonus canvas nylon bag and $5 for disappointed customers.
Game-Play[edit | edit source]
Main Article: Repetition
The game-play of the battles consists of parrying attacks, blocking attacks, attacking, magic, super attacks where you do nothing, attacking and continuously failing to parry attacks. Infinity Blade also has a game-play mechanic where if you mess with the iDevice just right, you'll make most of the sound stop working. When you beat the game, it makes you play it again until you actually defeat the final boss, which boots you back to the title screen. There is a secret where if you die to the Black Knight in the tutorial, you start a negative run. I am not joking.
Plot[edit | edit source]
So this nerd named "The God King" is doing some evil and you gotta stop him. You start out at his castle and have to fight the Black Knight, and when you defeat him/her/toaster you face and immediately fall to The God King. So after a few hundred generations of repeating this, you defeat The God King and save the day. Then you replay it and defeat the secret boss, leading into a secret level in which you fight the Insane Clown Posse which gets you the true ending. And then you get the true true ending, in which you realize you just spent a week playing through an iPhone game.
Release[edit | edit source]
On release, 1.43 billion rabid Apple fans bought Infinity Blade, resulting in it being the 42nd most purchased piece of software in the galaxy, before Fartnite: Butthole Royale beat it in the year 4093 A.A.D. Critical reception of the game is generally good and powerful in high numbers, but conspiracy theorists have said that this is due to Tim Cook hacking Oprah's hypnotism satellites to give the game good reviews and sell more iBrainControls.
Ports[edit | edit source]
On occasion, someone 3D prints the the data of Infinity Blade in a shape that allows it to fit in a port. This is not what this section is about. Infinity Blade has been ported over to the Xbox One and Android OS, but only in China for some reason. Other ports known to exist are Apple Pippin, NES, Windows Phone, GZDoom, Gah-noo Slash Linux, iPhone, and a cardboard box. Why they haven't ported it to Nintendo Switch, I have no clue.
Sequels[edit | edit source]
As Infinity Blade got popular, VALVe Software realized they should make some sequels for that sweet money. 2 sequels are planned for the next 43 years, those being Infinity Blade 2 and Infinity Blade 4: Episode 2.5 Remix Hd.