Hell's Angels

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Hell's Angels.
Hell's Angels turn out in force for rally

“How macho.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Hell's Angels

The Hell's Angels (Not to be confused with Hell's Grannies which are a different thing entirely) are a world-wide, notorious, male-only scooter gang, originally from the UK. The Hell's Angels are well known for riding scooters, looking 'Macho', and not getting too dirty. Members nickname themselves "one-percenters" in response to the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA) claim that 99% of motorcyclists were straight, and the last one percent were macho.

Both the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Criminal Intelligence Service Canada classify the Angels as one of the "gentle giant four" scooter gangs; contending that members carry out widespread acts of nicety, generous deeds and politeness, as well as the more...macho aspects of their calling. The Hells Angels assert that this is a mischaracterization, and claim that they are a group of vicious outlaws who organize and carry out widespread violence, drug dealing, trafficking in stolen goods, and extortion.



“Rawr, we are sooo scary!”

~ A Hell's Angel on The Hell's Angels

The Hell's Angels were founded in Liverpool by a group of mods in 1963, when they got sick of rockers beating the shit out of them for looking like fags. This movement culminated in the vicious Brighton beach clashes of 1964. It is apparent that the mods did not realise how macho Brighton is. Shame on them.


After a sound thrashing on brighton beach the 'Angels' decided to go for a more macho approach to being a gang. This movement was spearheaded by Sir Harles Davidson who created a list of 5 commandments that would govern the lives of the Angels forevermore:

  1. Thou shalt at all times wear either leather chaps or spandex as it makes thee more macho.
  2. Thou shalt always skip when travelling more than 100 yards on foot.
  3. Thou shalt not ever ever ever EVER use the word bicycle when referring to thine scooter.
  4. All owners of Vespas shalt be forever excommunicated from the Angels and be given wedgies on the grounds that we are Angels NOT Italians.
  5. Thou shalt at all times remain macho!

They made huge efforts in the late 60s and early seventies to improve their image and, thus, stop people from calling them gay. Many members made an effort to partake in more masculine pursuits; such as spitting, shouting and being untidy. This, however caused a rift between those who wanted to express themselves and come out and those who liked their faces not being kicked in by so-called 'fag haters'. The former group left to form the modern Gay Pride movement. The so-called 'closeters' remained to forge the movement into what it is today.

International Movement[edit]

By the late 1970s the rest of the world had begun to take notice of the Hell's Angels. A movement in Europe had been growing since as early as 1972 but it was in 1978 that the network of lies featured a piece on the New York Hell's Angels group. The report was recently banned by US president George Bush as being too 'pro-fag' and 'pro-terrorist'. By the early 1980s there were Angels gangs in over 100 countries, the most notable exceptions being Australia (they're all real men down there) and kazakhstan.

Modern Times[edit]

“Are they gay?”

~ Captian Obvious on The Hell's Angels
Delight as Hell's Angel Leader Marries Life Partner

Since the advent of gay rights in the UK and other countries the Hell's Angels have been able to come out in much larger numbers. The current leader of the Hell's Angels in the U.K., Elton John, has recently married his life partner David Furnish.

Famous Leaders of The Hells Angels[edit]


It's on a picture, it must be true!!!

The Hell's Angels are well known for riding scooters, looking 'Macho', and not getting too dirty. Members also carry out widespread acts of nicety, generous deeds and politeness, as well as the more...macho aspects of their calling and this has led to many people to believe that, in order to be a member you must be gay. This is not true. Smiply being nice does not make you gay, however riding a scooter does, as the famous t-shirt says.