Frying
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“No taste on Earth—not the savoriness of the best meat nor the sweetness of the best wine—can beat the flavor of fried.”
~ Oscar Wilde on frying
Frying is a chemical process by which any substance is catalyzed into an edible and tasty snack. The process of frying was initially discovered by scientists under the Nazi regime. It was later perfected by the United States government in the 1950s as a possible method of creating food supplies in a post-atomic war scenario. Should an apocalypse occur in the near future, frying will be useful method for rendering rubble, dirt, and corpses into edible (and tasty) food.
Description of the Chemical Process[edit | edit source]
The frying process begins with any type of matter: i.e. protein, bone, cellulose, styrofoam, plastic, rubber, or prions. The matter is immersed in a catalyst made from lipids. Once heat is applied, frying converts all matter into mostly edible and completely tasty food by infusing the molecules within with tastyons, elementary particles which transmit tastiness. The table below shows the versatility of the frying process.
Examples[edit | edit source]
| Effects of Frying on Different Materials | |
| PRE-FRYING | POST-FRYING |
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| Starchy and tasteless tuber | Delicious side dish |
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| Malodorous bulbs | Delicious and fun side |
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| Icky bland awful vegetable | Tasty appetizer |
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| Bland fungal growth | Delicious appetizer |
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| Disgusting ground grain goo | Yummy artery clogger |
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| Disease-carrying fowl | Yummy picnic entrée |
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| Filthy bottom-feeder | Fine dinner entrée |
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| Icky slimy amphibian | Finger-licking finger food |
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| Disgusting slimy sea creature | Yummy appetizer |
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| raw Bread | Delicious pastry |
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| Pompous blowhard | Scrumptious meze/sex toy |
Supertastitivity[edit | edit source]
When the frying process is applied to a substance that is already tasty, the tastyon density reaches a critical density, resulting in unusual quantum effects. The tastyons form virtual pairs which travel freely without any loss of energy. At this stage, a unique phenomenon called supertastitivity occurs. Supertastitivity represents a new frontier in frying physics, and many of the properties of a supertastitive substance are poorly understood. However, usually, when a substance achieves supertastitivity, it becomes too much of a good thing.
Examples[edit | edit source]
| Effects of Supertastitivity | |
| PRE-FRYING | POST-FRYING |
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| Gooey brown bar | Overly good gooey brown bar |
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| Tasty lactose and sugar | Overly delicious treat |
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| Tubular pasta and curdled milk | Overly delicious treat |
See Also[edit | edit source]