Forum:Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
Re: Productivity
From: User:Alksub, tricycle operator
To: Populus pluri
As you may have noticed, operation of this joke organisation has slowed way down. I've found mail inefficient and full of spam, and the company web site is slow to be updated. Inter-departmental memos like this one are generally ignored and generate an unmanageable paper bulge. Clearly, we need a solution.
Here's my proposal. We embrace the Web 2.0 paradigm of many forward thinking enterprises before us. I believe we should place a MediaWiki installation on the corporate network. Users can log in and collaborate in real time with state-of-the-art web-based editing tools. It'll triple the productivity of our firm and let jocular insanity enter the twenty-first century.
Most assuredly,
Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 06:29, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
- Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
- Re: Re: Productivity
- From: User:Modusoperandi, ne'er do well
- To: User:Alksub, tricycle operator
- Alksub, as you are well aware, our interdepartmental email server is not for emails that could potentially compromise the legality of the shifting paradigm of the paperless office in this, the age of Web 2.0, Windows 3.1 and Wiki 4.6.2.
- As such it is inappropriate to attach pictures of your bottom to outgoing emails.
- Pls ensure that you cover your ass, to cover ours.
- Cryptically,
- --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:10, 23 February 2007 (UTC)
- Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
- Re: Re: Re: Productivity
- From User:KWild, can't think of a title
- To: User:Modusoperandi, ne'er do well; User:Alksub, tricycle operator
- Although we know that the interdepartmental email server is not for emails you seem to forget that the memo service is also not for memos. In the last semi-daily budget meeting. the budget for the internal memo department (as opposed to the external memo department) was cut by 99.9% after an increase of 25% in the previous budget meeting.
- Therefore to try and maintain the budget of the internal memo department (but not the external memo department) it should be stressed that the budget for the internal memo department is already strained after these three sheets of paper and future memos should be sent using either your own paper or the paper of the external memo department.
- Wildy
I'm jumping on the bandwagon 03:05, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
Re: Bandwagon
From: User:Cainad, worthless peon
To: All who will listen
I have jumped on the bandwagon of creating memos, out of a pathetic desire to get attention. We should form an employee subcommittee to deal with this.
Pointlessly,
03:57, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
- Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
- Re: Re: Bandwagon
- From: User:Benson, you know, the forum's named after me
- To: User:Cainad
- I volunteer to be in charge of the employee subcommittee to deal with Cainad's jumping onto the bandwagon, and his declaration to begin to start creating memos. It will be a hard job, but somebody's got to do it. Also, did you see Debbie in accounting today? Does she have a mustache? Anyways, this is my first memo ever, so I don't really know what else to write... keep up the good work productivity. Downsizing is bad, promotions are good. Money... you all know what I'm talking about! Business business business. Company business management. Staples Business Depot. Did anybody see yesterday's The Office or read yesterday's Dilbert? That's what we talk about, right? Anywhoo...
- Love, (do I say "Love" in a memo?)
- Benson 16:57, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
Internal Uncyclopedia Memo
Re: Pants
From: User:Savethemooses, coolest guy
To: Populus pluri
I would like to remind everybody that pants are indeed required to be worn around the office. Please read the company dress code to refresh yourselves on what is and isn't permitted. We don't want another incident like we had last week with User:Olipro. Related to that, I would also like to remind everybody that hamsters must be used in an appropriate way on company grounds. Thank you.
-- 
17:56, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
Re: Employee's productivity
From: User:Mordillo, VP HR
To: Populus pluri
You are all fired. Make sure to logout when you leave the premises. Thank you for your cooperation.
~
18:00, 25 February 2007 (UTC)
- Re: Re: Employee's productivity
- From: User:KWild, no title
- To: User:Mordillo, VP HR
- In regards to the mass sacking I draw your attention to sub-section 24.3/5 c. which states that in the event of being fired I am to have all my articles featured and also to have a Main Page reskin.
- I suggest that you re-consider your decision to fire everyone.
- Regards
- Wildy I'm jumping on the bandwagon 02:19, 26 February 2007 (UTC)
Re: Linking in Memos From: User:KWild To: Populus pluri
Please remember that linking to articles in memos is not permitted and is punishable by the forfeiting of two weeks pay and also being placed in a time-distorted field that makes the two weeks seem more like 2 months.
Regards,
Wildy 
I'm jumping on the bandwagon 02:22, 26 February 2007 (UTC)
- Re: Re: Re: Employee's productivity
- From: User:Mordillo, VP HR
- To: User:KWild, no title
In regards to your claim about mass featuring and reskin day clause, which will be activated upon dismissal, I refer you to section 35245b sub section Z in your contract, the clause which we lovingly refer to as the Famine clause, which can be activated upon management's discretion. I suggest that you reconsider. Don't forget to logout when you leave the building. We thank you for your cooperation
Regards
~ 13:35, 26 February 2007 (UTC)
- Re: Re: Re: Re: Employee's productivity
- From: User:KWild, no title
- To: User:Mordillo, VP HR
- I direct you to section 34/8 sub-section 3563.7 sub-sub-section i point A, which says that the Famine clause can be deactivated at whim by the Union representative.
- Regards,
- Wildy I'm jumping on the bandwagon 04:14, 2 March 2007 (UTC)