February 29

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The Secret of Longevity[edit | edit source]

This date has special significance as people born on this date are thought to age four times slower than average humans. Throughout their long lives they conceal their sub-immortality by celebrating their birthday on February 28 or March 1 and go along with the joke every time it is brought up.

Sick, mirthful laughter emerges from these creatures of extended life. You had better give them good presents or they will torment your grandchildren.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • February 29th is around only once every four years, like the Olympics, Presidential elections and sightings of Jim Morrison. It is a stopgap to fix the temporal paradoxes that accumulate during the interim and prevents the Earth from falling out of its natural orbit into the Sun.
  • In 2107 the Canada vs. Mexico war ended.
  • In A.D. 2101 War was beginning.

Rejected Alternatives[edit | edit source]

The technology was not available during the development of the clock to add 15.780821917808 seconds to each hour to compensate, so to save the Earth from leaping into the sun, the Leap Year was developed. This also prevented July snowstorms and December heatwaves in the Northern Hemisphere.

Religious Artifact[edit | edit source]

A Pope one year declared the calendar to be moved forward several weeks to fix the date problem. This anecdote is one among many disputable religious timelines that have occurred during Earth's 6,000 year history.

Similar Practices[edit | edit source]

Early Celtics also had a celebration called Leap Year, where they would pile rabbits into Stonehenge. The sheer weight of all these rabbits caused the Earth to wobble just enough to prevent its destruction. After several complaints about the smell, this ceremony was discontinued.

Collectible[edit | edit source]

Far Side calendar pages that feature February 29th are collectable. They are not any more valuable than any other date, but it is physically possible to collect them and put them in a box. It does takes more than a lifetime to collect 100 of them, however, but one can easily conquer this with a swig of an Elixir of Life.

Folklore and Superstition[edit | edit source]

February 29th is widely considered to be an unlucky day in North Korea, South Korea and parts of Taiwan and Hong Kong. Following local customs children born on February 29th are usually put to death.

This article uses the weird term February instead of the 
phonetically correct Febuary. Who Says Feb-Ru-Ary, anyway?

Some believe that Febeberuay (or whatever) 29 is actually a scam that the government is telling us just so we screw up our dates and the enemy will never be truly sure when we will strike.

See also[edit | edit source]