End of the Internet 2012
|This article is highly serious, despite the slightly humorous content.|
It is considered that all beginners of the 'Net since January 2012 READ THIS ARTICLE in order to prevent impending doom.
~ They say.
Well, <insert name here>, maybe you don't know this, but the Internet is going to end in 2012. Many others may tell you about the Mayans predicting the end of the world; this is true. They predicted the end of the internet. It will devastate our civilization, as if it were actually Doomsday, and bring about existence of censorship and, ultimately, the death of the Internet. Better practice your social skills, newfag!
So ... how do you know this is coming?[edit | edit source]
All started in August 2011, when two demonic bills called SOPA and PIPA were voted upon by evil politicians. This went unnoticed until near the end of the year. The Internet's great forces rebelled against the seemingly inevitable horror, yet more and more companies supported the terrifying bills. Hollywood, Capcom, and Sony are only a few of the insane companies that supported these bills. Fortunately, all the Internet's warriors fought bravely enough to convince Obama to veto them.
Two months later, however, the persistent politicians returned and created two new acts, even more evil than the last batch: CISPA and IPAA. They were passed, and now cause even more trouble as they censor freedom and create even more censorship, turning the Internet into a freedomless hell. It is suggested that the Internet will turn into a land where freedom does not exist, and Wretched "Copyright Laws" will run rampant in December, when the acts will take over. Brace for impact, ladies and gentlemen.
Where's the proof?[edit | edit source]
The first thing you know about it is all search results which lead to www.youtube.com have disappeared. If you type in www.youtube.com in the URL bar, you will see a sign claiming that the site has been taken down by evil men, due to "repeated copyright violations". (Just like the one on the right.) The shithole of deviantART, the former spawning ground of furries, porn artists, and weeaboos will be gone for good as well. The next thing that you will notice is the disappearance of stupid shit such as Lolcats and bronies – in fact, searching for "Lolcat" after the end will produce fewer than a hundred hits. And when you try to search Wikipedia for lies, or Uncyclopedia for more accurate information, you will find both sites shut down as well (especially Uncyclopedia, which will be shut down within three days after the death of the Internet.) Then, after all this, you will know that your beloved Internet has lost The Game; it has been replaced by a censored, miserable wasteland.
Whom does it affect?[edit | edit source]
You may think that it affects only Americans, but you're DEAD WRONG. In fact you're so wrong you may want to hang yourself. The doomsday of the Internet will affect the world; the world will lose freedom, and dictators will replace democratic governtatorship and censor the Internet for fun. Then we might have to go back in time where we watch DVD porn, and buy crappy Hollywood CDs for crappy music, and we might never play old school games such as Contra again. The Internet will become North Korea, where nobody cares anymore.
Is there anything we can do?[edit | edit source]
Make your voice heard! If the doomsday is near, the net giants will help us protest – but they need your help.Google, (as well as other politicians) will have a mass vote to bring it down. TONS of people will vote and maybe you should too. The greatest problem is your ZIP Code. If you do not know your ZIP Code, just search a random zip code and put onto it. Or you can just contact the US embassy to protest if you are overseas. This will be a mass revolution – tons of sites will die out. If your favourite company supports one of these acts, like Capcom, boycott that bullshit.
If the doomsday actually does happen, then even my wisdom can't help you. You may just want to consult a hacker/use a firewall/GTFO. Or you can just organize a riot just like the Greeks.
But it stops piracy ...[edit | edit source]
No, it doesn't. There's a lot of piracy as it is. There's no way they can get rid of all of it. And censoring the net is not a way to go about it. Plus, we all know you pirate your music anyway. Now stop being a hypocrite and admit you have TPB open on another tab.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
That's all, folks. Just ask yourself this: when the end begins, where will you be? I hope you'll be fighting like all the other valiant internet heroes!