Ed Dames
Maj. Ed "Dr. Doom" Dames (not to be confused with Dr. Doom), is a Vietnam War hero, member of the U.S. Intelligence Corps, and inventor of "remote viewing", a technique with which he has boggled the minds of believers and skeptics alike with uncannily accurate predictions.
Military career[edit | edit source]
Ed Dames joined the U.S. Army in 1956, becoming a paratrooper. He was one of the first to fight in Vietnam, but was moved to the Intelligence Corps after being seriously wounded by enemy fire during a jump which injured his crotch, permanently rendering him with a soft, near angelic voice. (Ironically, it is his skill as a "precog", endearing him with most women, that also helps soften up his warnings of imminent mass destruction.) He received a dozen Purple Hearts as well as the Soldier's Medal.
In 1982, after a while at work trying to get his team to decipher a spy satellite image showing what appeared to be the formation of robot bears, Ed became frustrated. At some point he became so desperate that he decided (on a bet) to hire psychics like David Blaine. Unexpectedly, he discovered that they actually worked a lot better than the lazy people he was in charge of.
Remote viewing[edit | edit source]
Ed thought it would be cool to see whether he could do it too. After a while, however, he found that he actually got things right, especially when he relaxed his mind and let his thoughts go wherever they would. He quickly began teaching his unit the technique, and with it he thwarted many potential disasters, most notably a terrorist attack conducted by Santa Claus (who had adopted Marxism and defected to the Soviets in lieu of the heavy manufacturing yields demanded by Mattel and Hasbro in proportion to low wages).
Predictions[edit | edit source]
Ed Dames has made many predictions over the years. Unfortunately, many of them are terrible.
- The Sun will get heartburn and burp a big solar flare our way which will shut down the ozone layer. (People will get burned by space radiation and smell like chili.)
- North Korea will attack ... sometime ... because they are evil.
- Earthquakes will occur in California, Japan, and some Pacific islands at some imminent date.
- Bird Flu will mutate into a deadly strain soon.
Slander[edit | edit source]
Despite his unequaled hit ratio and his charitable endeavours, Ed Dames has been the target of jealous opposition.
One such is Joe McMoneagle, who falsely states that Ed Dames was at a lower rank at the time, and that their primary function in the project was to proofread the subjects. In conjunction to McMoneagle's claims, Ingo Swann is said to have been the actual head of the project; however, the truth is that Ed created his own form of remote viewing independently of Swann. (Dames, being a wholly unselfish and kind man, decided to let Swann have the credit anyway.)
There are many others who posit the outrageous claim that Ed Dames actually has never made an accurate prediction even once and is merely making stuff up. (This is forgivable, since many of his predictions are indeed unpleasant. Why even I hide under the covers every night he's on the radio!)
Another slanderer is UFO Watchdog, who cite all the above.
It is also noteworthy that Ed's former student, Aaron C. Donahue, frequently steals from Ed Dame's website then claims that it was Ed who stole it first. Despite this, Ed and Aaron have close feelings for each other, so much so that Ed even named a website after him.