David Tomlinson
 | This article may be Overly British |
David Cecil MacAlister Tomlinson (7 May 1917 – 24 June 2000) was an English film actor. He is primarily remembered for his roles as negligent father George Banks in Mary Poppins, con artist Professor Emelius Browne in Bedknobs and Broomsticks and as misunderstood antagonist Peter Thorndyke in The Love Bug.
Early life[edit | edit source]
He emigrated to the U.S. in 1952, along with Ahrnold on the same boat! At Ellis island, the immigration officers removed the 'h' from Thomlinson's name. The inclusion of an "h" in his name continues to irritate David to this day.
Film career[edit | edit source]
In Britain and the U.S., Tomlinson has played in a lot of films, mostly comedies. Due to David's voice acting skills, he has also provided the voices for cartoons and video games. Here it is, in no particular order:
- Marry Poppins: as Mr. Banks
- Multiple other Disney movies, such as Schwastica, where he played Hitler.
- V for Vendetta: V, and he never removed his mask.
- Rocky 1: As the man who first tells Rocky that he will fight Apollo Creed.
- Pootie Tang as the main character, Pootie Tang
- The Lizzy McGuire show: Big man River
- Jak and Daxter 2: Voice of Krew
- Spyro the Dragon: Voice of Moneybags
- Spongebob: Voice of Mr. Krabs (first season only)
- The Simpsons: Mr. Burns (Seasons 1,2,3)
Military Service[edit | edit source]
Mr. Tomlinson served in a number of wars, including the Great War, the Time War, the So-so war, and the Crimean War.
Altercation With Oprah[edit | edit source]
Due to the fact that Mr. Tomlinson was a banana eating pie head, it was inevitable that he would appear your mom's show. But, when David Tomlinson was on the show, he got into an argument with your mom about her unethical cannibalism of random audience members. your mom immediately kicked Tomlinson off the show. In a fit of anger, David bounced up and down on your mom's couch, causing a rift in the space-time continuum, allowing the Dick van Dyke to escape from Purgatory. David almost sued your mom after the show, but decided not to since your mom has Dr. Phil and the neo-nazis on her side, and David did not want them to bomb his home city of London again. Nevertheless, Tomlinson remains the person who has come closest to the threshold of confrontation with your mom. (Next in line is Donald Trump)
Altercation With Jesse Jackson[edit | edit source]
After his row with Oprah, David was tired of fighting. But this would not last long, because the race-baiting, bigoted Jesse Jackson came out on national American AND British television and threw the insult of "racist" at David. Since Tomlinson was never a bigot to begin with, he didn't even see his attack on Oprah as racially motivated. (But, hey, leave it to Jackson to try and read other people's minds) David later teamed up with Mr. T and his cousin LaDanian Tomlinson to sue the hell out of Jackson, because his insult towards Tomlinson caused black viewership of his movies to plummet. Jackson is still recovering from this financial loss, but he managed to gain millions of dollars of swindled Hurricane Katrina aid in 2005.
Cessation of Altercations[edit | edit source]
Tomlinson was getting old, and he already had plenty of money, so he decided that he would no longer fight for what he believed in. Instead, David used the millions he got from movies and the Jesse Jackson lawsuit to donate to organizations, which include the following:
The Minutemen, Tsunami Relief, The National Parks Foundation, and The Munitemen.
As can be interpreted from the list above, Tomlinson really cared about Illegal immigration. This would play a part in his "battle of the Mexitrons" later on.
The Mexitrons[edit | edit source]
David Tomlinson tried to pursue a career in Physics after retiring from acting. He worked as a professor at Texas A&M for several years, and had good relations with the Dean of the school. One day, on ^/^?)^, he was instructed by the biology teacher, Ms. Carver to run down some pancake to warm up using a device known as the Stupitron. David thought it would be nice to put a metal fork with the cake into the Stupitron, so Ms. Carver wouldn't have to eat with a cold fork, because she had very sensitive teeth. Little did he know that time paradoxes and metal do not know (He couldn't be blamed for his ignorance, his major was in Physics, not Scientology.