Cooper

Artist's depiction of: The Wild Cooper W

The Cooper W is a mystical beast said to have been born in the firey pit of Mt. Rushmore. Or you could be referring to the renowned cock-sucker, Mitch Coop, who has sucked so many cocks, that when he coughs, sneezes, cries or vomits, the extracts of all is sticky cum. He was raised by fish, Cooper W became very knowledgeable of whether a worm was attached to a hook or not. Through a strange turn of events known as Evolution, the fish gained the ability to walk on land. After a few moments on the land, the fish became aware of the fact that Cooper was not, as he claimed he was, a human, but an entirely different race completely. They disowned him into the forest of Samuel L Jackson and there Cooper was forced to hunt down wild Star Trek and eat them for survival.

Cooper W Abilities

The Cooper W has many abilities all of which make him almost as powerful as the great Chuck Norris. These abilities allow him to track down the wild Star Trek.

Teleportation

The Cooper W is known for his ability to teleport anywhere. The moment Cooper W senses that someone will be embarrassed by his presence, he immediately teleports to the area of that person. No one ever knows where he will appear next.

Transformation

Cooper W also has the power to transform at any time into anything he desires. This ability combined with his teleportation, allows him to sneak up on wild Star Trek and catch them. No one can ever know when Cooper W is coming because he is virtually undetectable.

Terrible Handwriting

Wherever Cooper W goes, he leaves behind writing that, until recently, was widely believed to be alien code. However, just recently, a zoologist studying Cooper W's droppings, identified the alien code as a mixture of bad grammar, terrible spelling, and awful handwriting.

The Call of the Cooper W

When Cooper W is excited or running, he lets out an ungodly screech that can be heard from miles away. The screech is similar in sound to a very nasally, Bwaaaaa!. If the Bwaaaaa! is heard, the person who heard it immediately loses hearing, popularity, and many IQ points. Many people have claimed to have heard the call of the Cooper W, but the chances are slim that they actually have. More than likely it was only a bad imitation that would cause them to go to the hospital for only a couple of days.

The Effects of the Cooper W Call

All who have heard the Bwaaaaa! suffered major brain damage and are unable to recount the terrible events. When the call is heard, the person who hears it suffers the same symptoms as a Heart Attack, and so it is hard to prove the cause of death in that situation. It is said that only Chuck Norris himself can survive a fatal Cooper W Call.

Photograph taken of a wild Cooper W in his natural habitat

Stumping Cooper W

The only way to stop the evil Cooper W, is to capture him in a Pokeball. If he is not stopped, all of the Star Trek in his stomach will burst out and take over the world. This is not a scientifically proven fact, but neither is George Bush.

Is Cooper W Real?

While there is much evidence supporting both sides of the argument, Cooper W is widely accepted by many as a real creature. It is unknown if there is one or many of this strange phenomenon, but most people are certain they've felt the sudden embarrassment that radiates from the Cooper W. It is now more commonly reported that the Cooper W has been sighted in Great Lakes, Illinois, attending Fire Controlman school at the Naval Base located there. A scientific team was dispatched in early 2007 to confirm these sightings, but contact with the team has since been lost.

UPDATE: As of March 8 2010 the existence of Cooper W has been confirmed. He/It (the said Cooper W) was found in a local [confidential] in [confidential], TX.

Vehicles

The Mini Cooper is the preferred method of transportation for the Cooper W, although it's safe to say that he can rarely, if ever, afford this vehicle. Suffice to say, however, one almost always sees an angry rich man chasing (at white speed) the Mini Cooper when there is a Cooper W inside.

Media

There have been many books written and many movies made about Cooper W. Among them are Psycho, Harry Potter, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and Dr. Seuss's The Foot Book.

Sources

• Cooper W "Coopadoop" Ababab, Juneberry 32, 2159
• FUN "<insert name here>" FUN, FUN