Chel

"What are you boys looking at?"

Chel is one of the protagonists in DreamWork's The Road to El Dorado, and 99% of the reason anyone has returned to watch the film for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 100th time. Chel is an accurate representation of how all Aztec women may have looked, giving us yet another reason to be disappointed that Hernán Cortés turned their civilization into dust. Requiring human sacrifices every few days to the sun and stars seems like a very small price to pay for some of these existing in 2026... zoo-wee-mama!

Not much is known about Chel's background thanks to the film that she stars in, (for some absurd reason), choosing not to explore her all that much. She is in a state of depression when she meets the Spanish gay lovers, Tulip and Miguel, and appears to be fleeing from the cops as she had just decapitated a gold idol and stole its head to go sell on the black market. The running joke in the film is that she is trying to escape her village to go "see the world." She is also the only character in the village who does not have gold jewelry, implying that she is poor. The Disney/Pixar/DreamWorks script writing society also dictates that all main characters must have lost their parents, so it can be understood that she is all on her own as well.

Physical appearance

Chel sacrifices her pet to the Mayan gods

Hey now, get it together and stop staring at that photograph! We've got an article to write, and it certainly won't write itself!

Chel is depicted as young, (not too young apparently), exorbitantly beautiful, and Mayan (shoot, did we say Aztec earlier?). Her skin is brown, (hexcode: #C4A484), her eyes are brown too, and she has pink lips (on her face, you pervert!), long black hair with bangs, and a finely sculpted nose. She is shaped like an anthropomorphic hourglass, with hips capable of causing nations to go to war over them, and a rear deck that tends to make men's eyes fall out of their heads.

Her attire is strangely modern, even though the film appears to take place 300 years in the past. She wears a white crop top with a pink stripe from Abercrombie & Fitch, and then a long dress with leg cutouts that go ALL the way up from Lululemon. She wears turquoise and diamond jewelry, and never wears shoes or socks, allowing her toes to see and be seen (much to the delight of film 'enthusiasts').

Personality

Chel is a highly intelligent con artist, adventurer, and sexual deviant, and uses her natural assets to influence events for her own personal gain. She is the first to realize that the gay couple from Spain are not gods, but in reality just poor soldiers who got lost. She does keep their secret, however, but only as blackmail so she can use them to escape from her city.

Originally hypergamous, she is introduced to the concept of threesomes and polygamy by the two Spaniards, and she then learns many more things with the two over the weeks spent with them. It should be noted that she quickly tires of Miguel, as he cannot keep up with her and Tulip's stamina in bed, and as a result, turns back to monogamy with Tulip.

Drama

Miguel's frustrations were QUITE valid

The two gay lovers planned to scam the Mayan city for all it's gold, but soon realized that Chel could be a wrench in their plans due to her general sneaky demeanor and her constant meddling in their planning sessions. They quickly decide that she should be in a relationship with both of them, and start a polygamous throuple. This goes on for some time, but Miguel struggles to compete with Tulip, as his penis is far smaller, and he cannot last more than 30 seconds without making a mess. Chel starts to become more attached to Tulip.

In one scene, she gives Tulip head inside a temple, only stopping when one of the temple priests arrives to find them on the floor. They then share a kiss, right as Miguel walks through the door, discovering their relationship behind his back! Miguel is furious, as he had wanted all that Latina ass for himself, and had been planning to double cross Tulip before Tulip managed to double cross him. Chel insists that she was only ever 'just friends' with Miguel, and not even really 'friends with benefits'. Miguel is eventually beat into submission by Tulip, who transforms him into their resident cuck, placing him in a chair in the corner to watch. Towards the end of the movie, as Chel and Tulip are leaving, Miguel is granted his freedom, but chooses to remain in the village in an attempt to maybe find another Chel for himself. Unfortunately, the only women left are all old squaws, leaving him bitter and angry for the rest of his life. An alternate ending does have him leave with Tulip and Chel, but the head of DreamWorks script writing publicly stated that this was the incorrect ending, and only added in to get the movie a PG rating vs a PG-13 one.

Cultural reaction

Film historians collectively agree, once they are torn away from staring at images of her, that she is the #1 most popular character with young men, middle aged men, old men, and men in general. Some women claim that she is a total sex object, and designed purely for "the male gaze" or whatever, but they are only furious that they let themselves go over the past few years, and couldn't possibly fit in that swimsuit anymore without being sent to jail for indecent exposure. Film historians also note that Chel was the "hardest character in history to animate," due to the fact it was extremely difficult for the animators to draw the character with only one hand. The film critics nearly had similar problems, but thankfully a pencil was a one-handed tool, allowing them to observe the film with their eyes, use one hand to write and the other to jerk off.

See also

• Femme Fatales
• the Road to El Dorado
• DreamWorks
• Hot girls
• Latina(s)

<References>