Border Collie
 A 7-week old drug-smuggling Border Collie | |
| Origin | Mexican-American Border |
|---|---|
| Traits | |
| Height | 18-24 in (NaN cm) |
| Weight | 28-50 lb (NaN kg) |
| Coat | Long, silky, heat radiant (unless Methamphetamine addict, then short) |
| Legality | |
| U.S | Illegal in Texas, Arizona and San Diego County, California |
| Mexico | Legal nationwide except in Quintana Roo |
| Elsewhere | Illegal Nicaragua, Brazil, much of Chile |
| Domestic Dog | |
The Border Collie (Spanish: Perra Frontera) is a Mexican dog breed of medium size notable for its use use in cartel operations involving smuggling and illicit agriculture. It was registered with the Federación Canófila Mexicana (Mexican Dog Lover's Federation/Mexican Kennel Club) in 1989. Notable other uses of this dog include standing on guard for sheep shaggers in non-Scottish nations where such acts are considered immoral and/or illegal. For this use, it has become known as a Sheepdog.
History[edit | edit source]
The Border collie is descended from a mix of such breeds as the Corgi, Labrador and, notably, the Mexican Chupacabra Collie. The name for the breed came from the use of the dog as an innocuous-looking alternative to the hideous Mexican Chupacabra Collie for smuggling illicit materials across the US's southern border, a task which it performs to this day. Many border collies' lineages can be traced back to Old Hemp, an early smuggling dog that repeatedly crossed the border between Tijuana and San Diego undetected with illicit marijuana. Modern border collies have been genetically engineered to repel the scent of drugs so they can be more effective smugglers.
In 1915, the first specimens were sold on the open market. They were sold as a new breed of guard dog and shipped to Britain where they were crossbred with local breeds to create the Collie Dog, a common sheep-herding dog.
Introduction to South America[edit | edit source]
The first Border Collie was brought to Colombia by the cartel circa 1921 and Colombian Border Collies rapidly gained a reputation as stellar slaveherd dogs, keeping local slaves at work farming coca plants. They reduced the amount of human oversight needed to roughly 40% of the prior requirement.
Their method of herding slaves has been described as "excessively brutal" and as "psychological torture". They walk up to a slave they want to move and bite lightly on a specific nerve on their leg in a manner that causes the maximum amount of pain it is possible for a human to experience and stay sane. This was a technique discovered and trained initially by José Acceta Gonzales who died at age 78 in Guantanamo in 2002 having never had a trial because that's how America works.
Description[edit | edit source]
Border collies tend to be medium size dogs with a thick coat that nevertheless provides protection from overheating in the deserts of the US-Mexico Border and the tropics of Colombia. They are often prone to shedding. The coat tends to be black-and-white with a bit of tan coat, inherited from the skin pigmentations of the hairless Mexican Chupacabra Collie (right). Some border collies have thin, short, single-color coats due to dependancy on methamphetamine. Eye coloration tends to range from orange to green with occasional hazel. When aroused sexually, male border collies show heterochromia.
It has been claimed the Border Collie is the most independent dog breed.
Health[edit | edit source]
The Cartel tends to manage the dogs by getting them addicted to various substances as puppies and teaching them the only way to continue to get the substances is to keep working for the Cartel. The Colombian dogs tend to be kept on cocaine or sometimes Methamphetamine, whereas the Mexican Border ones are often given cigars or marijuana to smoke. The Cartel does this because, like the Chupacabra Collies they are descended from, border collies often lack loyalty and will side with rival gangs if they find a good reason to. This impacts their health in a variety of ways: reducing their average lifespan to a short 7 years, improving their eyesight and causing them to be quite aggressive.
Breed Standards[edit | edit source]
There are two types of test or standard put forth by the FCM to determine breeding quality of a border collie.
California Job[edit | edit source]
The dog is given a bag of marijuana and has to get it to a predefined location across a river and 5 miles away without damaging it or getting caught by a group of people tasked with finding it. The dog has been taken to the location beforehand and knows the layout of the area, but not in the present season.
Nicaragua Chaser[edit | edit source]
The dog must keep a group of 86 native people in neat rows for 3 hours and have no people either collapse from the pain or stop crying from it for more than one minute. The dog must demonstrate its ability to do this in a distracting environment with people all around crying out.
Livestock work[edit | edit source]
A competent Border Collie sheepdog can bring its owner a sheep (or pig, or occasionally a wolf) requested by name and will not shy away from its owner even while they are shagging the animal. Its ears, eyes and nose are focused away from him and it will alert him if anyone else is detected. The border collie will not object if after bringing the animal to orgasm, the owner will turn and shag the dog. However, if someone should happen to get too close to the owner, the dog will stop whatever it's doing and go bite them at their pain point until they leave. Should they not leave because of body armor or any other reason, the dog will run off barking, likely giving the owner enough time to get clothes on.
Bans[edit | edit source]
In 1994, Arizona's legislature, in Referendum 31285-B banned this dog and ordered it burned on sight. Arizona was followed in 1995 by Texas, New Mexico and San Diego County. New Mexico's Supreme Court then repealed that ban in 2004 citing the New Mexico Constitution. These bans have yet to have any effect, as nobody outside of the Cartel knows how to catch a border collie while it's smuggling.
Mexico[edit | edit source]
The Mexican state of Baja California had banned dogs meeting the Border Collie's description in 1934, but the ban expired and was not renewed in 1964. Quintana Roo banned them in 2001 when they passed an act intended to combat widespread coca farming in the state.
Elsewhere[edit | edit source]
Nicaragua, Brazil, and much of Chile have bans on the Border Collie due to use in coca farming.[nobody cares]