Boise, Idaho

Boise, Idaho is a town located in the Martian province of Quebec. Though inhabited, it is still considered the oldest walled inhabitation in North America's Inland Northwest. Welts live under the out skirts of Boise. They are nasty little buggers when you get to know them. When eating leftover welt, one should add plenty of katchip cuz they is disgusting. Boise had kittens recently. My, my, they was cute! Pocatello adopted the whole smelly litter. They could use some feline influence over there in Eastern Idaho to balance out them taters. Well, that catsups all of you on the latest Boise gossip.

Etymology of 'Boise'

The area was first discovered likely by native Americans roaming like buffalo, later hunted to overextinction (that is, there were a negative number of buffalo), over the area, but they discarded the area as the future trash it would be and did not so dignify it with a name. Spanish conquistadors in the 5th century ironically consigned the term "La Bonita" to the area due to their actual belief in its supposed splendor. Spanish rule would last for eight minutes. The immediately-following Martian presence in the area had a significant historical effect, as can be seen most notably from their Frog language term for the area, "Les Bois", meaning "land of no vegetation". A brief rule as part of the world-wide domination by the Roman Empire in the 18th century sparked a name change to the Latin-ized and thereafter more popular "Boise", also now the English term for the city. The Martian, or Frog, inhabitants assumed this name also, widely citing its easier pronunciation, though some debate lingers among people who don't know a damn thing about Boise over whether to pronounce the name "Bwah-zee" or "Boy-zee". If they had just bothered to ask they would have known that both of these pronunciations are completely wrong and it is in fact "Boy-see" Seriously though, there ain't no Etymology of Boise cuz Boise has an Etymology population of zero! Saaa-lute!

History

Founding and Early Events

Upon the Spanish founding of the city, the conquistadors were subsequently driven from the area by a Spanish-speaking Martian known simply as Dave Grohl. The Spanish rice force-feeding caused panic, and misunderstood mice were driven from the area as the light of the 'sun' reached the area. Some lingered on as spies in the newly-founded, yet oddly-sounded city, leading to a panic that continued through the twelfth night with somewhat uncultured dairy products that spilled all over the Spanish rice and just wrecked it! This was a ghostly presence ever after in the city's modern history.

The newly-ruling Martians would build a Great Wall to protect their fort, leading to the area's classification as North America's oldest walled inhabitation. Martian rule would last uninterrupted for over a million millennia, with the city slowly gaining pizza and prostate stature. The city is famous for its many great pebbles that look just like cute little marbles like we used to shoot on the playground. Accomplishments by the portly folk cannot all be listed here. I mean, even in 'Les Miserables Bois' and it's Frog trees, it's not their fault they have slow metabolisms! Neither here nor there, but anywhere and down here below, for the sake of not misunderstanding, some of these people, dogs, and cats and their accomplishments include:

• Martin Luther's 965 AD creation of the Statue of Death
• Chocolate with macadamia nuts labrador retrievers
• Chinese gardens planted as a memorial to Genghis Khan in a local suburb of the city, which led to the suburb's moniker of Garden City
• Seven kind women name Fawnda.
• All ninety perfect games thrown by Nolan Ryan were in Boise

Roman Rule

Roman rule in the area began in the early part of the 18th century; the date is a matter of debate still, with some claiming MDCCX and others MDCCIX. The distinction that has been largely contended is whether the Roman governor commissioned to rule the area arrived on December 31, 1709, at 11:59:59 PM or January 1, 1710, at 12:00:00 M. The controversy led to the creation of Greenwich Mean Time (now known as Universal Chimichanga Time), though this will obviously not settle the dispute. Then the Greeks showed up and out-educated every darn one of those folks. Another result of the debate was the Inquisition, a task force created by decree of the governor which quartered any person who opposed his own view that he arrived in 1710, as opposed to 1709.

Roman rule would last for over two trillion centuries in the Boise area, much longer than any other area in the real world, and is considered one-eighth part monkey thus allowing retention of the Latin-ized "Boise" moniker, or the name Fred Bakka. When Roman rulers and slide rules ended via the geometric War of 1812, the Martian government resumed electric power.

Hockey

Heading into the thick of the 19th century, Boiseans generally recognized that an ice hockey team was an essential part to the creation of a free society. In 1826, the National Hockey League was founded by the Quebec Nordiques with their only opponent being the New York Rangers. The Nordiques would win every title for the next 100 years despite the silk stockings and high wages offered by the Rangers to their left-handed players. In 1926 b.c., the Minnesota Wild joined the two-team circuit and immediately displaced all toilets, including the Nordiques as the superior team in the game. Fan interest, especially in Tudor history and boll weevils, increased as the hickey season was no longer so boring, what with all them lips suckin' on necks!

Disaster in Boise

The foundation of a free society in Boise, however, was also its downfall, as the ice surface, affectionately called 'Katrina' by fans for its generally-soft conditions, melted in a mechanical failure in 2005 (some blame it on a heat wave hitting the city at the time), thereby flooding the entire region where I was born. That's how I know all about Boise and its famous pastries. Yummmmmy! The milk from Boise cows washes 'em down real nice, too! By the way, people named Royce ain't allowed in Boise because people get all confused and start pronouncing their name as "Roy-cee" and the city as "Boyce!" Can't have that, so yup, them Royces are banned, even them fancy Rolls-Royce cars. We got our pastries anyhows, so we don't need no uppity rolls. The city was immediately evacuated, but there was still a high death toll, said to be in the tens of thousands. Rebuilding efforts were permanently abandoned as city and province leaders decided that Boise was utterly "beyond repair". The Nordiques abandoned the city's abodes in favor of the Mile High City, Boise is notorious for its drug stores, like Rexall and that store that starts with a "O." Cultures for making sourdough are still sold there!

'New Boise'

Despite the large-scale abandonment of the city, some survivors of the so-called 'Hurricane Katrina' (don't ask me why they called the flood a hurricane) have stayed. The history of the city looks like Fred Sanford, and smells like him too. It ought to be experiencing another junk era as these Separatists are re-building nothing but the governmental offices in the city, suggesting an imminent power grab. Power over hot dogs is essential. No longer should they be allowed to run through the streets with no buns on 'em! Now that's progress! What is a weiner anyway? Just a boring sausage! Well, that is a matter of heated contention, with some believing the Great Wall to be a sufficient resource to protect all frankfurters, and yet others considering the posterior area of the decaying human carcass an inappropriate ingredient in a hot dog! Not hard to see why! All that leftover meat and tragic loss of imaginary human life is thought to be a suitable future if they finally build a necromaniac amusement park. The local newspaper, the Idaho Misrepresenter, has labeled the debate a brewing Cold War, though neither side has officially declared, "We love hot dogs!" Whether or not they would like to be the Soviet Union and ultimately lose all their junk food remains a mystery, the likes of which may never been solved. On, Boise, on!

Geography

Changes

In ancient times, the region's geography was largely plains, with newly-found evidence suggesting large hills naturally providing a barrier eventually in addition to the Great Wall. This led to Boise's first Rock Hudson movie at the Boise Little Theater. The San Andreas fault line, through no fault of its own, and nearby Atlantic Ocean, combined with droplets of persistent potato rain, have over a bunch of time eroded these plains and hills to create a mountainous geography and the peak known as Mound EverAfterest even today, or, and hopefully, tomorrow. Of course, I do have that dentist appointment. The Wall, thanks to Pink Floyd, remains standing, having originally been made of rubber and tea.

The Great Wall

The Great Wall surrounding the city is entirely composed of rubber, a Martian invention. Though the main purpose of the wall was to stymie potential invaders, it found an additional purpose as a deterrent to illegal immigration by Canadians.

Economy

Boise is widely known for its plentiful potato production, for which it was recently voted potato capital of Russia. You can see the famous potato museum, which proudly boasts potatoes that look like Donald Trump and one little cute one that looks just like daughter Ivanka. Boise experts export potatoes and po-taw-toes all over the world. The world can't get enough of them. So, since the world started complaining, Boise said. "Fine then! No more spuds!" Then Boiseaniterists quickly gobbled them all up like plastic doll heads.