Betamax (other stuff)
Betamax is a red super-giant star, one of the physically largest stars known. If Betelgeuse Betamax was placed at the center of our Solar System, the Earth would be engulfed and would be completely inside it. In order to prevent such a situation, the UN has formed a commission aiming to discourage the star through frequent inspections, condemnations and trade restrictions. The star is not believed to cooperate enthusiastically over this because Betelgeuse Betamax is a bit miffed over the way the other nasty planets in the Solar System bullied the poor little dwarf Pluto.
The Betamax system[edit | edit source]
The Betamax system is home to the descendants of the numerous fractions of the Nazi leadership that managed to escape there in the closing months of WWII.
The Betamax system comprises four planets.
- There the planet Pro. That's where professionalist expert Nazis ended up.
- There the planet Consumer. That's where Nazis that were corrupted by consumerism ended up.
- There the planet Digibeta (launched in 1993).The Nazis that weren't considered good enough for the other planets got pushed there.
- There the planet Monkey (The Nazis there are like monkeys).
The indigenous alien inhabitants of the Betamax system were looking for a new home. They were combing this sector of the Galaxy in search of a new home and getting steadily more desperate. Betelgeuse Betamax is unstable and suffering a mental breakdown. Betelgeues Betamax further kept threatening to explode and become a supernova. It just isn't safe staying too close to an unstable suicidal supergiant star. The aliens felt they absolutely needed to get away! Nobody, just nobody, wants to be cooked in the belly of a supernova star. That's a really bad way to end. Then the Nazis turned up just in time and gave them something new to dream about.
Oberleutnant Hakenkreuz[edit | edit source]
General Oberleutnant Hakenkreuz asked the aliens to help him defeat the enemies of Nazism in his homeworld and get the Nazis to rule the Earth. The aliens promised to help Oberleutnant Hakenkreuz all he wanted but secretly they laughed at him. They didn’t care about Nazi dreams of world domination. They just wanted to take over the Earth and rule it themselves. They even thought it just might be fun to send the Earthlings to Betelgeuse so the Earthlings could get cooked in the supernova.
Oberleutnant Hakenkreuz then made a salute and exclaimed, “Lange lebe der gestorbene Führer!” (Long live the dead Führer). And his companions thought that was a very clever thing to say and repeated, “Lange lebe der gestorbene Führer!” (Long live the dead Führer). And the aliens laughed some more. The space invasion fleet, under the command of Oberleutnant Hakenkreuz (1927-1987) was successfully defeated by Earth scientist Dr. Philip Martin in 1987 and is believed to have been sent from the Betamax system. The evil Nazis and Betamaxians tried to destroy the Eathlings as they developed killer Satteloids but brave Dr. Philip Martin carried on working on them. Nobody knew who would win.
A different set of aliens from Proxima Centauri joined the fight. The Centaurians helped the Earthlings defeat the evil ones from Betamax. And the Centaurians zapped the evil Nazis and Betamaxians when the evil Nazis and Betamaxians tried to zap brave Dr. Philip Martin and his team. The Centaurians helped the Earthlings to make killer Satteloids that zapped the Betamaxians with all sorts of nasty stuff till there were no Betamaxians left. And Oberleutnant Hakenkreuz was zapped too and he cried out, “Lange lebe der gestorbene Führer!” yet again. Then he died with homage to the dead Führer on his lips. It is unclear if the Centaurians really wanted to help Earthlings or if they just wanted to kick the Betermaxians in the pants or in whatever Betermaxians wear in place of pants.
Evil treatment of the moon[edit | edit source]
The Moon, destroyed by the Betamax forces prior to the invasion as a demonstration of power, was partially rebuilt in the 80's and 90's. The job was left to the United Nations, who subcontracted it to General Electric. From a cosmetic standpoint, the new moon is indistinguishable from the old one, except that it is hollow and lacks a dark side. The dark side was under construction during a labor strike in 1992, and has never been finished.