LaserDisc

Disc with Lasers

LaserDiscs are shiny, pizza-like objects of debated origin. They are seldom seen by mortals because of the vast implications that they entail (see:Implications)

History

Although their exact origin remains reason for much clamour and debate among scholars, a popular theory states that they were originally invented by Leonardo Da Vinci on his endeavours to produce orthopaedic footwear, whereas others believe it is a sentient lifeform from the Planet Vutabar. Following the Crash of 19100, LaserDisc technology is currently owned by Discworld.

Technology

Production: LaserDiscs are produced by having Godzilla crush small Japanese cars beneath his mighty foot. A vast contingent of midgets is employed in the second stage of production, one of which salvages the newly pressed LaserDisc while the remainder distracts Godzilla and is subsequently eaten (see:Implications)

Structure: Usually, LaserDiscs are available in two varieties, CLV and CAV. CLV, standing for Cute Little Varmint, has gained the upper hand; however, in some circles CAV - or Constantly Aching Vagina retains strong support. Neither format offers any differentation, rather, preference is defined by one's horoscope, blood type, 1337ness, preference for respectively Cave or Treasure and alignment to Uranus.

Use

As stated, the initial goal of LaserDisc is believed to be the alleviation of podological ailments; however, the rising popularity of leprosy in middle-age Europe brought his investors to abandon funding. Shortly afterwards, Oliver Cromwell acquired a license and developed an offshoot called LD-ROM. This dreadful weapon was the cause of much casualties in the war between South Asia and South America. Nowadays, the technology is used mostly by Discworld and the Empire of Japan as a means of disrupting national economies (see:Implications)

Implications

It is beyond obvious that utilizing such a nefarious technology is not without consequences. A 1962 investigation by the Brotherhood of Nod identified several known implications:

Economic Collapse

Because of the enormous cost in using LaserDiscs in one's private home, the purchase of the required equipment usually imposes a financial setback of several years. This is aggravated even more with latest technologies such as Don Perignon 3.14 and Adaptive Perennial Multi-Resistent Panegyric Lambda Encoding being incorporated, for which additional equipment the size of a reasonable aircraft carrier is required. Therefore, utilising Japan's economic leverage to dump copious amounts of Hentai LaserDiscs on foreign soil is usually sufficient for a drastic economic setback, and is partly to blame for the creation of Fourth World Countries.

Midget Cultivation

As one LaserDisc requires several hundreds of midgets to be expended, Japan maintains a strong presence on the international midget market. Seeking an end to this situation, particularly nerdy midgets sought to supplant LaserDisc with the introduction of DVD.

See Also

• Compact Disc
• DVD-Audio