Barrie
Barrie  Barrie's downtown area | |
|---|---|
| Location | Ontario, Canada |
| Population | At least 100 people |
| Mayor | Paul Sadlon |
| Official languages | Crackhead English (Canadian English is recognized as a minority language) |
| Founded | 1812 |
| Motto | The City Are The People Are The City Are The People |
Barrie is a city in Ontario (in Canada), with around 147,000 residents according to the Totally Non-Fabricated Canadian Census of 2021. The town is mostly inhabited by Crackheads, Christians and more crackheads. The town is named after Sir Robert Barrie, a man who rode British military boats for a living.
History[edit | edit source]
Barrie was created during the War of 1812 as a supply depot of ammunition and methamphetamine for the British Army. In 1833, a man named Sir Robert Barrie arrived in the town using a modified boat capable of driving on land. In a very narcissistic move, Robert forced the locals to name the town after himself. After a fierce arm-wrestling battle between Robert Barrie and the mayor at the time, Mr. Barrie won, and the town was named after him.
In 1869, Barrie had grown to a population of a whopping 3,000 people. Between 1870 and 1890, buildings in Barrie kept catching on fire. When they caught the man who kept doing this, he pleaded in court "I was doing it for the lulz!".
The population of Barrie TRIPLED in the 80s, coincidentally with the opening of a Hooters location in the city. God doesn't like Hooters, so he punished the city with an F4 tornado that caused $150 million dollars in damages (in 1985 Canadian money.)
In 2004, the police found out that a brewery was actually growing weed this whole time. So the police "seized" it, although our professional journalists at Uncyclopedia know the true facts. (that the police smoked it all.)
In 2021, the city's Hooters location closed permanently. The locals could not take it anymore, so they all decided to start smoking crack.
Geography[edit | edit source]
Barrie is in the middle of absolutely nowhere, with farmland surrounding the entire city. Barrie is located on the coast of Lake Simcoe, a lake with positive google reviews by fishermen, boaters and people who were brave enough to swim in the water. There are also some highways that connect Barrie to the outside world, although there are talks of demolishing every highway and road leading out of Barrie to disconnect it from the outside world, although Doug Ford would never let that happen, purely due to his weird fetish for building highways.
Things to do in Barrie[edit | edit source]
There are a few things to see and do in Barrie, the most popular one being to leave Barrie and go to somewhere better. Here are a few things that are quite popular to do in Barrie:
- Go use the public shower. It is a very important tradition in Barrie.
- Look at the crackheads
- Go drinking at the bars
- Look at the statues around the city, such as the City Hall Monument, a penis-shaped metal structure that stands over Mulcaster Street
- Leave and go home