Auburn University
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| Auburn University | |
|---|---|
| File:Auburn University seal.svg Logo | |
| Motto | FUCK NIGGERS |
| Established | 1856 |
| School type | Southern Pridish-ahh type of shit |
| Head | David Duke |
| Location | Auburn, AL, USA |
| Campus | Full of items which are not needed for educational purposes |
| Enrollment | 95% of them are white.. |
| Endowment | blacks |
| Faculty | Ku-Klux-Klan |
| Mascot | the Aubie the Tigger |
Auburn University (read: Augh–BURN!!) is a public research university in Alabama that, despite its public designation, charges tuition high enough to make even the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill[1] look like a charitable institution. Officially classified as prestigious (a term here used in the uniquely American sense of “we have a football team and some ivy on brick walls”), Auburn attracts a curious mix of rural loyalists, academic hopefuls, and individuals whose family trees are circles instead of actual trees.
While Auburn prides itself on producing engineers, veterinarians, and other professionals, it’s impossible to ignore its deeper role as a rite of passage for the local elite — or what passes for elite in a state where family values can sometimes mean second cousins at prom. Out-of-state students will quickly learn that their tuition subsidizes not only academics but also an endless football-industrial complex, where undergrads paint their bodies and scream at referees with a religious fervor normally reserved for cult initiations.
History[edit | edit source]
1856 - 1917[edit | edit source]
Founded in 1856, just a few years before the outbreak of the American Civil War, Auburn University was originally conceived as an institution for young men to master the core skills deemed essential for Southern gentry: the fine art of whipping Black people and the delicate practice of keeping the family tree more circular than branching.
When war erupted in 1861, Auburn was promptly abandoned. Its entire student body, along with the faculty, took up muskets and marched off to fight for the Confederacy, leaving the campus eerily silent but still faintly smelling of tobacco and hubris.
After the Confederacy’s collapse in 1865, Auburn struggled to regain its footing but quickly reverted to traditional values. Once again, students were taught their hereditary civic duties: how to maintain genealogical purity by marrying within arm’s reach of the family reunion, the use of the whip as a symbol of authority, and — a new addition — the skill of donning elaborate white robes and pretending to be spirits to terrify the newly emancipated population. Progressive for its time, the institution eventually began admitting women as well. However, final examinations remained gender-specific: male students were required to don ceremonial hoods and impregnate their sisters or mothers, while female students were tested on their ability to cook, clean, and smile politely through generations of inherited trauma.
1917 - 1960[edit | edit source]
In 1917, Auburn’s campus emptied once more as its able-bodied occupants shipped off to Europe for what many described as a vacation with rifles. This absence became permanent for most of them, as the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918 finished what German machine guns had started. The 1920s brought new traditions — including cross-county raids conducted in Model T Fords — and by 1940, the U.S. Army had effectively taken over the institution.
1960 - Present[edit | edit source]
The military occupation lasted through World War II and well into the postwar years. It wasn’t until 1960 that Auburn regained civilian status and was officially renamed Auburn University. Since then, it has operated as a standard American university in form, though some of its less savory traditions — a fondness for elaborate costumes, a suspicious devotion to lineage, and a football culture with all the subtlety of a medieval crusade — have persisted into the modern era.
Campus[edit | edit source]
While outwardly modernized with state-of-the-art facilities and manicured lawns, remains in many ways a preserved artifact of its antebellum origins. Beneath the veneer of glass-and-brick academic buildings and bustling student life lies a deeper, less publicized layer of history. Reports — which university leadership has categorically denied — suggest that as much as 95% of Auburn’s structures still house concealed artifacts from its earlier incarnations.
Among these alleged relics are muskets stacked in dusty closets, crosses of varying sizes, faded Confederate battle flags, and curious white hooded garments whose intended use is, at best, ambiguous. Some accounts describe entire sublevels beneath older halls containing racks, manacles, and implements that “may or may not serve any pedagogical function.” Official university statements attribute these items to “historical preservation” or “student theatre props,” but a persistent rumor suggests they are regularly requisitioned for what is euphemistically referred to as Auburn’s “university BDSM society.”
Further fueling speculation are frequent reports from nearby residents of strange sounds emanating from the campus at night. These range from muffled cries and rhythmic clanking to what one local described as “the kind of moaning you’d expect from either an exorcism or an especially spirited faculty meeting.” While administration officials have dismissed these accounts as “malicious fabrications,” the fact remains: Auburn’s campus, for all its modern upgrades, retains a peculiar atmosphere that seems to hum with centuries of suppressed Southern eccentricity.
Life[edit | edit source]
At first glance, Auburn University advertises the archetypal American college experience: modern facilities, verdant lawns, and smiling students in orange-and-navy sweatshirts. But for those who linger beyond the campus tour, a very different Auburn begins to emerge — one where echoes of its Confederate past mingle with traditions so bizarre and macabre they seem more fitting for a 19th-century Gothic novel than a 21st-century university.
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Social Life[edit | edit source]
Auburn’s social scene thrives in its Greek organizations, whose sprawling mansions house the future power brokers of Alabama — and, allegedly, a number of heirlooms their ancestors looted during Sherman’s March. Parties here are legendary, not only for their excess but also for their unexpected hazards. Female students, especially freshmen, are notoriously prone to “hedge entrapment,” vanishing into the dense landscaping after tailgates only to be recovered hours later, disoriented and clutching half-empty Solo cups.
Yet this is a minor oddity compared to Auburn’s notorious “Cross Nights.” On evenings when Auburn’s football team suffers defeat — regardless of sport, though football carries the heaviest weight — groups of students don white hoods and flow into the night carrying crude wooden crosses, tiki torches, and jugs of kerosene. These processions often culminate in the ignition of giant voodoo dolls, typically painted in shades of brown or black and dressed in mock football jerseys. According to local lore, these effigies are meant to “cleanse” the team of bad luck by symbolically punishing players for perceived failures. University officials insist these are “misunderstood artistic expressions.”
Eyewitnesses, however, report something more visceral: pickup trucks roaring through campus streets in pursuit of Black players, shotgun blasts echoing from the woods, and the thrum of automatic weapons from fraternity backyards.
Academic Life[edit | edit source]
Auburn offers degree programs in everything from engineering to veterinary medicine, yet its older buildings remain stubbornly tethered to history. Beneath their renovated exteriors, maintenance staff whisper about basements crammed with Confederate battle flags, muskets with notched stocks, and racks of ceremonial whips preserved in glass cases. Some rooms allegedly house enormous Klan robes — stitched together from decades of student projects — and libraries where banned literature from the civil rights era is kept under lock and key.
Classes themselves occasionally carry the weight of Auburn’s cultural baggage. Professors make frequent reference to “traditional values” and “community cohesion,” euphemisms that international students soon realize mean “don’t ask about the noises at night.” Exams are rigorous, but some extracurricular “practicals” remain baffling: male students have reportedly been asked to participate in “lineage affirmation ceremonies,” while female students are tasked with preparing elaborate Southern feasts for faculty gatherings that often conclude with unexplained screaming in the administrative wings.
Extracurriculars[edit | edit source]
Football isn’t just a pastime at Auburn; it’s a theocracy. On game days, the entire campus transforms into a sea of orange and navy, and the student body oscillates between ecstatic worship and apocalyptic rage. Victory brings all-night celebrations; defeat, however, unleashes something far darker. Literally.
Following a loss, Black athletes have reported being pursued by students in lifted Ford F-150s, their hoods pulled low, Confederate flags snapping in the breeze. Pickup beds are often outfitted with spotlights and PA systems blaring insults, while the crackle of gunfire — both from shotguns and, disturbingly, semi-automatic rifles — reverberates across Auburn’s otherwise quiet neighborhoods. Residents in nearby towns claim to hear these sounds for miles, describing them as “a mix of war, witchcraft, and college spirit.”
These nocturnal spectacles sometimes culminate in the burning of effigies large enough to be seen from the highway, their charred remains left smoldering on campus lawns. Photos circulate on social media only briefly before being scrubbed, but captions like “Don’t fumble next time” and “Spirit cleansing in progress” hint at the mindset behind the flames.
Campus Work[edit | edit source]
Beneath Auburn’s student population lies an underclass of Black workers — cooks, janitors, landscapers — whose labor keeps the university running. They are praised in official brochures for their “dedication” but are also the frequent targets of blame when the football team falters. Rumors abound of maintenance staff being forced into bizarre “penitence marches” through campus at night, watched silently by students in ceremonial robes.
Sport activities[edit | edit source]
Auburn University describes its athletics as “the heartbeat of the campus” — a poetic turn of phrase that feels increasingly literal the more time one spends there. The Auburn Tigers compete in a wide variety of sports, their rosters stacked with raw talent, their stadiums packed with roaring fans, and their traditions soaked through with Southern humidity and centuries-old expectations.
But behind every game, every cheer, every victory lies a meticulously preserved hierarchy — a structure where labor, glory, and blame are distributed along painfully predictable lines.
The Auburn Tiggers[edit | edit source]
To the untrained eye, Auburn’s choice of mascot appears fierce and inspiring: the tiger, a symbol of power, grace, and dominance. To the trained eye, however, it’s more comical than commanding. Aubie the NTigger, Auburn’s costumed mascot, bears an uncanny resemblance to NTigger of Winnie the Pooh fame — all bouncy enthusiasm but utterly devoid of claws or fangs. Even rival fans have noted this, derisively referring to Auburn as “the stuffed animals of the SEC.”
This toothless iconography extends to the student body itself. While Auburn’s white students swarm to games clad in garish orange and navy, their actual contribution to the scoreboard is minimal. Athletics, particularly those requiring sweat and physical endurance, are left to Auburn’s Black athletes — men and women who carry the team’s fortunes on their backs while their white counterparts save their energy for social engagements and tailgate theatrics.
Victory Parades[edit | edit source]
When Auburn’s teams win — especially football — the campus transforms into a surreal landscape of celebration. Columns of white-clad students pour into the streets, their hoods and robes swirling as they march in torchlit processions. They bear wooden crosses, not as instruments of hate (so the official narrative claims), but as “symbols of resurrection and victory.” To outsiders, these processions look less like pep rallies and more like historical reenactments gone wrong.
As the parades wind through campus, cheers echo across Samford Lawn, accompanied by choreographed chants and hymns to Auburn’s greatness. Students describe the events as “exhilarating” and “deeply traditional,” though critics note how curiously absent Black athletes are from these celebrations.
Instead, those same athletes — the very ones who secured victory — are quietly redirected to groundskeeping duties. It is said they are asked to trim hedges and prune shrubbery “to prevent further incidents of missing coeds” during post-game festivities. This polite fiction hides the reality that Auburn’s victories belong not to the players, but to the institution and its lineage, and there is no room in its pageantry for those who actually did the work.
Honorable mention: Gymnastics[edit | edit source]
Gymnastics at Auburn has long been seen as an outlier in the university’s athletic menagerie. While other sports rely on raw aggression and physicality, gymnastics projects an air of elegance — a refuge where Auburn’s white daughters can demonstrate their “refinement” without soiling their manicures or dislocating a shoulder during a tackle.
This year, the program is under the spotlight like never before. The arrival of a highly decorated freshman — a gymnast from Orlando who competes internationally for Britain — has already transformed the program’s image. Though she has yet to even attend her first Auburn class, the university’s marketing department has seized upon her impending enrollment, festooning campus with banners that declare “Auburn: Where Legends Begin” and feature her silhouette in mid-somersault against a burning orange sunset.
But beneath this gloss lies a world of rituals as intricate as any beam routine. Auburn gymnastics is rumored to have its own cloaked society — an all-female wing of the broader campus “traditions.” After particularly triumphant meets, coaches and gymnasts alike reportedly don custom-tailored hoods (with reinforced necklines to accommodate ponytails and sports bras) and take to the practice fields under cover of night. There, they perform “cleansing ceremonies” that mirror their male counterparts: torches are tossed onto wooden crosses, and small-caliber[2] pistols are fired skyward in synchronized patterns, described by one witness as “like a cheerleading routine, only with gunpowder.”
The choice of handguns over shotguns is deliberate. As one former gymnast allegedly confided, “A blown shoulder is bad enough. A bruised collarbone from a 12-gauge would have Coach knocking half a point off my routine.” The NCAA, ever concerned with optics, would no doubt penalize Auburn for any athlete whose posture was marred by recoil.
These ceremonies are said to be conducted in near silence, broken only by the crackle of flames and the soft metallic clicks of pistols being cocked in unison. Occasionally, a low chant rises among the hoods — Latin phrases interwoven with Auburn fight song lyrics — until the final torch is cast and the group disperses like spirits into the night.
To outsiders, these stories sound absurd. To Auburn’s gymnasts, they are whispered rites of passage — a reminder that even in the world of floor exercises and uneven bars, tradition’s grip is unyielding.
The Price of Losing[edit | edit source]
Auburn is less magnanimous in defeat. When the Tigers stumble, the campus mood curdles. White students retreat into dormitories and fraternity houses, their silence heavy with unsaid accusations. Groundskeepers are dispatched overnight to tend to the hedges, repair torch racks, and collect the detritus of unfinished effigies that were meant for celebratory burnings but are now stored “for next time.”
Whispers circulate about closed-door meetings where blame is apportioned. Students speak in hushed tones of “purification rituals” meant to restore Auburn’s honor, though no one is willing to describe them in detail.
Traditional customs etc.[edit | edit source]
At Auburn University, tradition isn’t just an abstract concept — it’s a lived experience, infused into every brick, every blade of grass, every torch-lit procession that winds its way through campus at night. These rituals, preserved across generations with near-religious fervor, are what give Auburn its “unique character.” To outsiders, they may seem strange, even grotesque. But to Auburn’s faithful, they are nothing less than the lifeblood of the university.
The Auburn Eagle[edit | edit source]
No Auburn home game is complete without the ceremonial flight of the Auburn Eagle, a large bird released to circle the stadium before kickoff. Intended as a symbol of freedom and power, the spectacle often falls short of majestic. The eagle’s erratic flight patterns — including occasional collisions with light fixtures or unplanned landings in tailgate zones — have led rival fans to nickname it “the drunk pigeon.” Even Auburn students admit the tradition is “cute, but deeply embarrassing.”
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Aubie the Tiger[edit | edit source]
Auburn’s official mascot, Aubie the Tiger, began life under a far more controversial moniker: Aubie the Nigger. While this name was quietly retired during the Civil Rights era, its legacy lingers in alumni clubs where the original costume — a faded, moth-eaten caricature — is still brought out for private viewings. Today, Aubie is a sanitized, cartoonish figure resembling Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, whose antics on the sidelines often leave fans wondering if the tiger has been declawed in both body and spirit.
Flagellation Festival[edit | edit source]
Each spring, Auburn hosts its annual Flagellation Festival, a reenactment of “time-honored disciplinary practices.” Participants dress in period-appropriate attire and take turns lashing volunteer “culprits” (usually pledges from select fraternities) with ceremonial whips. Points are awarded for technique, endurance, and “historical authenticity.” The festival concludes with a grand parade where faculty ride in horse-drawn wagons, waving to cheering crowds as the sound of cracking leather echoes across Samford Lawn.
The Auburn Incest Derby[edit | edit source]
Described in university literature as “a celebration of Auburn’s deep commitment to family values,” the Incest Derby is an annual event where contestants — exclusively Auburn students from “heritage families” — engage in elaborate competitions designed to test both physical prowess and the resilience of kinship bonds. Events range from three-legged races with cousins to more intimate “lineage strengthening” activities conducted in secluded garden pavilions. Though controversial, the Derby enjoys strong support from Auburn’s alumni association, which funds the awards ceremony with considerable enthusiasm.
Cross Nights[edit | edit source]
Few Auburn traditions inspire as much awe (or dread) as Cross Nights. Held irregularly but most often after major football victories, these torchlit processions see students donning white robes and carrying wooden crosses through campus. Though the university insists these events are “symbolic of Auburn’s renewal,” the practice of igniting the crosses at the climax of the ceremony has drawn criticism from civil rights groups and rival universities alike. Defenders counter that “it’s just heritage” — a phrase so often repeated at Auburn it might as well be carved into the stadium walls.
Catch Your Boy[edit | edit source]
Perhaps Auburn’s most infamous “celebration” is Catch Your Boy, a nocturnal event where white students and alumni visitors are invited to participate in a vigorous pursuit of Black volunteers (or, occasionally, unsuspecting staff) across campus grounds. Armed with torches and the occasional cattle prod, participants race after their quarry in university-provided pickups — fully equipped with shotguns for theatrical effect.
Though Auburn’s administration officially describes Catch Your Boy as “a dramatized historical reenactment open only to participants of prominent racial lineage,” detractors argue it is little more than legalized terror tourism. Defenders insist that it’s “all in good fun” and point out that captured “boys” are “generously compensated” with free Chick-fil-A vouchers and commemorative T-shirts.
An Auburn Welcome[edit | edit source]
To prospective students and visitors alike, Auburn offers a living tableau of Southern history — a place where pageantry and pain dance hand in hand beneath the warm Alabama sun. Whether you’re watching the eagle’s drunken spirals, cheering for Aubie’s sanitized antics, or listening to the distant crackle of firelight and faint screams in the pines, one thing is certain: at Auburn, tradition never dies.
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Oldest American public university as I know (1795 or something like that)
- ↑ Up to .38 Super. Higher calibers have quite a recoil, so their is a chance of not handling a for instance S&W model 29 revolver (.44 Magnum) and risk of ending up with monocle.
- ↑ So do I: Last good weapon from Remington to be honest....