Athsma
Asthma is when you can't breathe sometimes. That's it. There's nothing else you need to know. Good day!
Etymology and History[edit | edit source]
Asthma was invented in 1869 by Sir Thomas Asthma, who wanted to find an alternative to breathing. Don't ask me why, it's not important. Anyway, he did, and it became the medical condition we know today. A common misconception is that Asthma is named after Sir Thomas Asthma. It is not. The real origin of the name is a combination of Athens (you know, that one city in Greece), Orgasm (Sir Thomas Asthma's favorite pastime), and AAAAA! This sounds similar to the guy's last name, but I'm sure that it's a coincidence. Now, etymology. Is that the study of words or the study of insects? I'm thinking words, but that sounds too predictable. So, how exactly do insects and asthma relate? Well you see, it all started back in the summer of 1984... My mom and I were having a fun day at the pool. She was feeling too horny to swim, so I decided to help her by [REDACTED] and then I [CENSORED] so we [FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE JUST STOP READING]. Isn't that the most touching story you ever read?
Notable People With Asthma[edit | edit source]
I have no idea who has asthma or who is notable or anything, so I will just write down my grocery list here so I don't forget it.
- Milk
- Eggs
- Extra Small Cond- uh, I mean candy!
- Dr- uh, I mean candy!
- Childr- uh, I mean candy!
- A more original joke
- An entire bucket of Cheez-its. MUST be in a bucket, NOT a barrel! We wouldn't want to repeat... the Monkey Poop Incident.
- Perfectly normal camping supplies (handcuffs, boomerang, anime schoolgirl uniform, etc.)
- Bees
- Coffee creamer
- Toys
DAMN IT BILLY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO WRITE TOYS AT THE END OF DADDY'S GROCERY LISTS! I'M NOT GOING TO BUY YOU MORE TOYS TODAY! THIS IS WHY YOU'RE STILL A VIRGIN! Anyways... asthma.
Awards and Nominations[edit | edit source]
Asthma was nominated for Medical Condition of the Year in 1719, 1870, 1924, 1966, 4 a.d. (despite not existing) and 2005. It wasn't nominated in 1989 but it still won somehow. That's about it. Not very many people have award ceremonies for medical conditions anymore. Not since... the Monkey Poop Incident.
Industrial Uses[edit | edit source]
There aren't any at this time. Maybe there would be if someone got off their butt and started using their asthma industrially instead of sitting on their butt reading stupid Uncyclopedia articles! Seriously dude, you're just as useless as my loser ex-wife!
My Loser Ex-Wife[edit | edit source]
Main article: Satan
Sequel[edit | edit source]
In 1338, one year after the medical condition was invented, Sir Thomas Asthma announced that a sequel was in progress. It's been almost 700 years and we're still waiting. Maybe it would come out faster if Sir Thomas Asthma didn't die in... the Monkey Poop Incident.