Alkaline water

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“I don't use that unclean stuff. I only drink raw water.”

~ Hippie

“I'll buy your entire stock!”

~ Gullible idiot

Alkaline water is the NEW and HIP trend which is currently revolutionizing the way you waste money. This SPECIAL tonic is from water which we put in our thing-i-ma-jig and sell to YOU for twice the price. Sure, the supposed "scientists" say that you're just wasting your money, but let's be real, if you trusted them, you wouldn't have tried those fancy crystals which will ABSOLUTELY make you immortal.

How It Works!

We at ALKALINE WATER INC. won't tell you that unless you buy our NEW AND IMPROVED Alkaline Water Lite, so order it at 1-800-ALKALIN or else. If you are TRULY a loyal customer, then you will only get the manufacturing instructions, not the recipe. Remember, we got a patent, you commies.

Anyways, Alkaline Water works by someone urinating COLLECTING SPRING WATER INTO A CUP! After that, we put it in our patented [[REDACTED]] thing-i-ma-jig which we manufacture in an EXOTIC land called Japan. After that, we sell them in stores designed specifically to STEAL YOUR MONEY!

How to buy it?

As we stated before, you can order it at 1-800-ALKALIN and get THREE bottles for the price of FOUR! Additionally, you can go to alkalinewaterscam.co to order it NOW!