6G

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6G refers to a revolutionary new series of waveforms located in the electromagnetic spectrum, named after its inventor, incidentally Elon Musk's second child, whose supreme intellect allowed him at the age of the third trimester to construct a miniaturized replica of the Internet entirely with his own bellybutton fluff. People in proximity to 6G often report feeling 'woozy' and 'discombobulated' but also 'enlightened' and 'godly', which is why it has been proposed to install 6G transmitters in the public school system to create a super race of confused demigods to overthrow foreign governments. 6G also enables one to stream YouTube videos without the spinning dots being able to read your mind. Helpfully, 6G supplants the need for vaccines since most who use the technology do not live long enough for contagious disease to flourish.

Technology

6G in fact has no relation to 5G and it is merely coincidence that both technologies have eerily similar nomenclature and function, which is repression of the general population, ie. stupid people. 6G was created by combining a 600-watt microwave oven and a Falcon 9 rocket's second-stage, then attaching it to a transceiver aimed directly at God, whose light and magnificence imbued the haphazard object with a celestial energy that cannot be measured with conventional scientific instruments. This, for reasons unknown to man, induces a data current five times the speed of light, meaning messages may now be read from the future. This has been rather helpful in predicting sports results and scientists have suddenly become extremely wealthy and disinterested in science as a result of crippling gambling addiction. Unfortunately, many of the same scientists have begun experiencing visions not from this realm and it has been theorized they are in fact witnessing Belgium's destruction, which is regrettably impossible to differentiate from present-day Belgium.

Variants

There are fifteen versions of 6G, all with differing efficacy of mind control and sterilization routines. 6G-F exclusively targets the working class with the desire to buy Nestlé and Coca Cola products whereas 6G-H induces irregular bowel movements in old people and kittens. Future variants are planned which will provoke a primal rage in hippos after their planned induction into the US Army as elite shock troops. Other variants of 6G were merely developed to mildly inconvenience enemy combatants in asymmetrical warfare but are rarely used due to the discovery that a mildly annoyed terrorist is far more dangerous than a contented one.

Controversy

Some people who don't know anything have asserted that 6G-testing is responsible for the coronavirus outbreak, but recent studies have shown this was actually caused by a sharp decline in cases of autism. Shamefully, many still retain this view and this has meant experimentation with this burgeoning technological achievement has become stifled due to people setting 6G masts on fire by drinking three gallons of petrol and urinating on them during thunderstorms.

Deaths

To this date, only 18 million people have perished due to exposure to 6G towers, assuming we exclude the statistics from the third-world and Manchester. This makes it a far safer technology than 5G, which unfortunately has the highest death-toll of any commercial communications technology.

One man whose death was claimed in the international media to be the result of 6G was in fact the result of a freak tobogganing accident.